At least it didn’t break the window. I’m sure it’s because you moved your laptop and papers. Comfort with Mini and pavlova. Yummy on both counts. Let us know if the handyman comes Wednesday. ❤️
Mary, this beautiful essay speaks to my fears. If I lose my husband, I will never get a jar open, watch Netflix (because the remortes are so complicated), figure out why my computer won’t behave. A spouse is the keeper of many domestic mysteries. If I’m the first to go, I’m not sure what will baffle my husband. There will be something.
Rona, thank you so much. I’m so glad that it spoke to you. I feel like his death was a loss in ways I never imagined. It wasn’t like he was withholding anything. He just had his own ways of doing things, and I never thought to ask. The hardest part now is knowing what to ask, and who can help. Yes, the jars! And computers, of course. Always something.❤️
Laura, thank you! So glad you enjoyed this. I’ve commented twice on your post and my response seems to disappear. Just trying to say that we need more household goddesses, graces, and poets on our countertops and fewer toaster ovens.😊❤️
Mary, I am awed by your talent, and a little jealous too. Those secondary losses hit like a death by a thousand cuts. Everything has been turned upside down. Big crisis feel manageable, the urgency in my body matches the stakes at hand, but the smaller things have me completely undone. I feel your anger at being forced to take on a responsibility you never wanted and were never prepared to take over. Seriously, how could they fucking do this to us? Of course, they had no choice, we had no choice, and nothing makes sense. How is everyone going about their lives like the world hasn't turned on it's axis? How is everyone walking upright when gravity is flattening us like crushed beer cans? Sorry, you got me all in my feels, but that's what great writing is supposed to do. I know what it cost you to write this post, and I'm grateful for it.
Amy, I’m so humbled by this. But you are a damn fine writer and a fantastic person and you prove it every time you hug your son or speak up for someone or put your words out there. You have a real fire in you. I am so grateful for your friendship. And when my brain settles down I’m going to head over and read/listen to those spicy new chapters.❤️🙏
The way you captured all those random little losses in the face of the big loss.. Your writing is magical, Mary. Every time I see you in my inbox, I know I'm in for a good read.
Tiffany, you are so kind. I'm deeply moved to hear that you connect with my work. Loss is something we all face. I feel called at this time in my life to write about what I've experienced with my husband's death. It brings me clarity and peace. "Only connect:" words to live by.
You had me right there with you, in the high drama of a beyond-capacity home repair issue in bad weather. The way small things become big without the person who usually takes care of them. Hoping you get a good handyman to fix your fascia (did I use that right? Well you get it.) you and mini hang in there!
I'm glad you enjoyed this, Stephanie. Writing this stuff down makes it feel less overwhelming. A guy is coming tomorrow to look at the fascia. It was blowing and banging away all afternoon, and yet it's still there! Thanks for the good wishes.
Glad to hear it! Writing things down is such an effective way to release them for swirling around in the brain, getting bigger and bigger. Nice when you also have the skills to turn it into a piece that resonates with others! 🤍
‘Care! Devotion! What happened to that guy who kept us happy?
“He died. Almost a year ago.” I said aloud. “And didn’t leave a clue. Shut up, bitches.”’
I’m so sorry this happened to you and that you’re having to figure this all out by yourself, Mary. But this line made me cackle a little bit, and I think we would be friends. 😊
The things that enter my head when I'm awake and the house is complaining. Kind of a "You think you have problems!" moment. I think we're already friends.
Thank you, Maureen. Sometimes life throws you for a time. Happy to be able to write about it. I’m glad you enjoyed it.❤️
At least it didn’t break the window. I’m sure it’s because you moved your laptop and papers. Comfort with Mini and pavlova. Yummy on both counts. Let us know if the handyman comes Wednesday. ❤️
I will! Yes, magical thinking works. That thing is still blowing around. Driving me nuts. ❤️
Jeepers Mary, you are a magical writer.
Thank you
Oh my God, DeeDee, you are so kind! I am deeply honored.
Deedee, you are so kind! And thank you for restacking. I deeply appreciate it.❤️
Wow. This was such a great read! ❤️
Thank you, Marika! I’m so glad you enjoyed this.❤️
Mary, this beautiful essay speaks to my fears. If I lose my husband, I will never get a jar open, watch Netflix (because the remortes are so complicated), figure out why my computer won’t behave. A spouse is the keeper of many domestic mysteries. If I’m the first to go, I’m not sure what will baffle my husband. There will be something.
Rona, thank you so much. I’m so glad that it spoke to you. I feel like his death was a loss in ways I never imagined. It wasn’t like he was withholding anything. He just had his own ways of doing things, and I never thought to ask. The hardest part now is knowing what to ask, and who can help. Yes, the jars! And computers, of course. Always something.❤️
Hi Rona! Don't forget to share your Substack details with him ;-) xo
Loved reading this. BTW, Iris graces a counter here...
Laura, thank you! So glad you enjoyed this. I’ve commented twice on your post and my response seems to disappear. Just trying to say that we need more household goddesses, graces, and poets on our countertops and fewer toaster ovens.😊❤️
Absolutely. And not only countertops--right now Diana gives us no peace in our bedroom--she's so distractingly beautiful it's hard to sleep.
Just a great piece here, Mary. i couldn't stop reading.
Mary, I’m so honored. Thank you.🙏
Mary, your words hurt my heart. I am grieving along with you and cursing the damn fascia. Sending love and light.
Anne, I’m so grateful for your kindness and commiseration. I wish the fascia would just stop it. Miss my husband so much.🙏
That last sentence of your comment, Mary. Right there.
... How come all these letters are so damn blurry now...
Peter, I'm crying, too. ❤️
Loved this.
Thank you, Morgan. I’m so glad it resonated with you.
Mary, I am awed by your talent, and a little jealous too. Those secondary losses hit like a death by a thousand cuts. Everything has been turned upside down. Big crisis feel manageable, the urgency in my body matches the stakes at hand, but the smaller things have me completely undone. I feel your anger at being forced to take on a responsibility you never wanted and were never prepared to take over. Seriously, how could they fucking do this to us? Of course, they had no choice, we had no choice, and nothing makes sense. How is everyone going about their lives like the world hasn't turned on it's axis? How is everyone walking upright when gravity is flattening us like crushed beer cans? Sorry, you got me all in my feels, but that's what great writing is supposed to do. I know what it cost you to write this post, and I'm grateful for it.
Amy, I’m so humbled by this. But you are a damn fine writer and a fantastic person and you prove it every time you hug your son or speak up for someone or put your words out there. You have a real fire in you. I am so grateful for your friendship. And when my brain settles down I’m going to head over and read/listen to those spicy new chapters.❤️🙏
The way you captured all those random little losses in the face of the big loss.. Your writing is magical, Mary. Every time I see you in my inbox, I know I'm in for a good read.
Tiffany, you are so kind. I'm deeply moved to hear that you connect with my work. Loss is something we all face. I feel called at this time in my life to write about what I've experienced with my husband's death. It brings me clarity and peace. "Only connect:" words to live by.
When I read your words, I feel less alone. Thank you for writing and sharing.
You had me right there with you, in the high drama of a beyond-capacity home repair issue in bad weather. The way small things become big without the person who usually takes care of them. Hoping you get a good handyman to fix your fascia (did I use that right? Well you get it.) you and mini hang in there!
I'm glad you enjoyed this, Stephanie. Writing this stuff down makes it feel less overwhelming. A guy is coming tomorrow to look at the fascia. It was blowing and banging away all afternoon, and yet it's still there! Thanks for the good wishes.
Glad to hear it! Writing things down is such an effective way to release them for swirling around in the brain, getting bigger and bigger. Nice when you also have the skills to turn it into a piece that resonates with others! 🤍
‘Care! Devotion! What happened to that guy who kept us happy?
“He died. Almost a year ago.” I said aloud. “And didn’t leave a clue. Shut up, bitches.”’
I’m so sorry this happened to you and that you’re having to figure this all out by yourself, Mary. But this line made me cackle a little bit, and I think we would be friends. 😊
The things that enter my head when I'm awake and the house is complaining. Kind of a "You think you have problems!" moment. I think we're already friends.