Jennie, isn’t it gorgeous? There is so much spectacle in nature that we don’t need to set off explosives to enjoy a holiday. Oh well. I hope you’re enjoying the holiday as much as I am, despite all the background noise. 💕
Mary.. thank you for this heart achingly beautiful piece . It's full of life with death sprinkled in. I can see and feel all of it. Every time. ❤️❤️ Thank you ❤️❤️❤️
I love the letter format, Mary. As usual, your writing is so rich. I got teary at “no, four” and the list of things that died after your husband in the poem. “Sorry about the vacuum” made me laugh. I also love alliums and feel inspired to plant some purple fireworks this fall. Thank you 💜
Aren’t alliums wonderful? I have many varieties, and they bloom at different times. I think that because they’re in the onion family, the rabbits leave them alone. And they look great when dried.
It’s such a poignant moment, to look back at the vacuum cleaner. I don’t think he ever understood how childhood memories drove my emotions, but I know I never did that again! I did worry, though, about his responses. Like, even after his death. “Is the lawn mower okay?” Hard to disconnect.
The letter format is one that I fell in love with after one of Maya C Popa’s excellent online classes. It’s a remarkably intimate form, and not easy. Thank you for your kindness. I’m so glad this connected with you.💕
I loved the vacuum moment. Poignant, as you say. And also delivered with dry humour. “Sorry about the vacuum.” Brilliant. And yes to the wonder of alliums!
A book you should add to your collection - Being Mortal - by Atul Gawande. Probably would have been useful a year or so before your husband died, but it's an important read for the decisions you could make for yourself (and with your kids).
Hi Judith, I did read this book while he was in hospice. It’s absolutely remarkable. I recommend it to everyone. I wish I had known of it earlier. “Why We Die” is interesting as well. But I don’t find it as compelling. Thanks for mentioning it; I’d like to put it in a bibliography at some point.🙏💕
Dearest Mary, a work of art, and artfully placed words...you wordle'd this piece so beautifully that I needed to read it over and over. I read each line of the poem as single messages. Thank you. I'm sending love and hugs to you, your daughter & the family.xo
I laughed out loud at your daughter's, "Mom." I recognize the tone of admonishment, expressed from love, having heard it countless times from my daughters. I like the letter-writing strategy: we wrote one another for two months before going on our first date. I'm going to follow your example. Thank you for sharing your heart through this work. It shines a light for all of us. 🤲🏼💜
That is so sweet that you wrote to each other. It’s something I wish we’d done. Even though we weren’t apart or traveling separately very much during our marriage, it would have been nice to have those written memories. And yes, the daughter voice. Love her so much. I’d still be sitting there dejected if she hadn’t taken charge. So blessed to have her. 🙏❤️💕
Hello! I am new here- this is the first letter I’ve read of yours (thanks to Mesa for the recommendation!). Thank you for being so open with your heart and for taking us there with you through your words. ✨
Such a heart rendering piece. I felt every word in your piece and my heart aches for you. I teared up several times. Lots of love and hugs to you and your family.
Jeannie, I don’t know if she’s a saint, but she takes great care of me. I don’t know what I’d do without her positive attitude and energy. And my son and daughter-in-law, and you and Brian! You keep me going. Hugs to you both. Happy Fourth! 🥰💕❤️
i adore reading your words. i feel like we are sitting together, in a couple of Adirondack chairs, sweet lemonade on the wrought iron table between us. you pull us so tenderly, so graciously, into your story. you remind us of the breath-taking and breath-giving ephemeral beauty that lives in us, around us. we do not have all the time in the world as we often think (assume). ps: hearing you read your words would be an epic delight. maybe one day? ;) xo
Mary Lynn, this does sound like a lovely scenario. I’m learning so much from the amazing @Sarah Fay, who does entire lessons on both audio and video formats on Substack. Thank you for your kind and generous words. Who knows what the future holds? 💕
i am just beginning to find my way in this new world of substack. it already feels more grace-filled and generous than other platforms. ;) thank you for your reply. and for sharing your aching heart with us. i consider it an honour when someone invites us to walk alongside them in grief. xo
Another beautiful, poignant read. Your words tug at my heart and yet, also make me smile and even laugh. I love how you mix joy and grief together in your writing because that's what they do all the time - overlap. And I absolutely love the poem.
One other thing, I have Alliums in my flower garden and never knew what they were - until now. I suppose I could've looked them up, but I never have. So, thank you for that as well!
Nancy, thank you once again for your great kindness. I so enjoyed writing the poem because it felt like a true expression of the bond between father and daughter. He would have been delighted to see her fearlessly approaching a situation that had left me stymied and in despair.
Aren’t alliums wonderful? I wish I could plant them all over my yard. Sadly, I have too much shade. But they bring such joy. And different varieties bloom at different times. I’m so glad you learned this small lesson from me, because gardening is not my strong suit. I’m learning so much, myself! Hope you’re enjoying your holiday. Thank you for stopping by.💕🙏❤️
Oh Mary, it’s good to meet you though I wish it were under different circumstances. I hear the rhythm of fresh grief in your words. I’m sorry it is so fresh but also grateful that it has something to do with your writing, you being here. This piece is so lovely.
Leslie, welcome! You are so very kind. I believe that the only way to write honestly is to write from a place of vulnerability. I have to address the fact that we are all subject to the same emotions. To write is to connect. Thank you for your generous words.🙏
Oh Mary …why does this make me laugh so? You’re so good at planting humor where least expected! “The lawn more died and so did you, so inconvenient!” And details about your daughter, your shopping for a man…such a hard thing we all did. … so fun to read as if chatting over lunch or wine! 😂😅That’s how you write… why we all know and love you so much! Feels Like a life-long friend! The purple burst of blooms us perfect for the 4th, for this terrific essay. Thank you for making my day… as we begin to laugh, make fun of ourselves and our loved ones leaving the party too soon… we heal and feel joy again! Love you! 🥰❤️🤗
Joan! So happy to hear from you. I really do feel like we’re chatting in person. Actually, I could use a cup of coffee right now. But I’m trying to resist caffeine, especially after noon. And a long day with lots of food, an early bedtime would do me good. I’m glad you enjoyed this post. I always try to edit out negativity. Not honest sorrow or sadness or anger, but the kind of morose self-pity no one needs to hear. And if humor shows up, they say laughter is the best medicine. And so are you! Hugs.👍🙏❤️🥰
the first time I read. You’ll be at 2000 super soon! I’m so happy you’ve grown so well so fast. You are gifted in many ways… kindness and caring matter as much as your writing Honered to be a paid subscriber, to have known you when…before you’ve become our Writing Queen! Much love and hugs …and may you get a good sleep tonight … despite the firecrackers! 🇺🇸💙🥰
I read this piece as I prepare for a holiday dinner…and it brought home the fact that I have done what I continually say I will not do…….there is enough food for a week, or a church potluck. It’s only me and the five adult “kids” here today, but I can’t stop cooking for the family that was, the family that made holidays fun and meaningful. I’m going to go write about it. You lit a flame I need to fan. Reality check, There are only six of us now, not twenty.
Oh, Jana. It’s not just that you develop habits, but that you’re also sharing love with your family. And family is always a part of you. I can’t wait to read your story.💕
Jennie, isn’t it gorgeous? There is so much spectacle in nature that we don’t need to set off explosives to enjoy a holiday. Oh well. I hope you’re enjoying the holiday as much as I am, despite all the background noise. 💕
Mary.. thank you for this heart achingly beautiful piece . It's full of life with death sprinkled in. I can see and feel all of it. Every time. ❤️❤️ Thank you ❤️❤️❤️
Also CHEERS to 1996!! You'll get to 2k in no time today!!
🥰💕🙏
I love the letter format, Mary. As usual, your writing is so rich. I got teary at “no, four” and the list of things that died after your husband in the poem. “Sorry about the vacuum” made me laugh. I also love alliums and feel inspired to plant some purple fireworks this fall. Thank you 💜
Aren’t alliums wonderful? I have many varieties, and they bloom at different times. I think that because they’re in the onion family, the rabbits leave them alone. And they look great when dried.
It’s such a poignant moment, to look back at the vacuum cleaner. I don’t think he ever understood how childhood memories drove my emotions, but I know I never did that again! I did worry, though, about his responses. Like, even after his death. “Is the lawn mower okay?” Hard to disconnect.
The letter format is one that I fell in love with after one of Maya C Popa’s excellent online classes. It’s a remarkably intimate form, and not easy. Thank you for your kindness. I’m so glad this connected with you.💕
I loved the vacuum moment. Poignant, as you say. And also delivered with dry humour. “Sorry about the vacuum.” Brilliant. And yes to the wonder of alliums!
A book you should add to your collection - Being Mortal - by Atul Gawande. Probably would have been useful a year or so before your husband died, but it's an important read for the decisions you could make for yourself (and with your kids).
Hi Judith, I did read this book while he was in hospice. It’s absolutely remarkable. I recommend it to everyone. I wish I had known of it earlier. “Why We Die” is interesting as well. But I don’t find it as compelling. Thanks for mentioning it; I’d like to put it in a bibliography at some point.🙏💕
Mary, I also recommend the PBS documentary: https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/frontline/documentary/being-mortal/?
And a few other items:
http://theconversationproject.org
https://theconversationproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/12/WhatMattersToMeWorkbook.pdf
You probably already have these but I thought I'd suggest them, anyway.
Judith, I had not run across these. I appreciate your recommendations. I’m going to check them out. Thank you so much!
Dearest Mary, a work of art, and artfully placed words...you wordle'd this piece so beautifully that I needed to read it over and over. I read each line of the poem as single messages. Thank you. I'm sending love and hugs to you, your daughter & the family.xo
Victoria, thank you. You are so kind. I appreciate the good wishes for my family.❤️
Always hon. You’re in my thoughts xoxo
As you are in mine. Hoping things are well with you and your family.🙏
I laughed out loud at your daughter's, "Mom." I recognize the tone of admonishment, expressed from love, having heard it countless times from my daughters. I like the letter-writing strategy: we wrote one another for two months before going on our first date. I'm going to follow your example. Thank you for sharing your heart through this work. It shines a light for all of us. 🤲🏼💜
That is so sweet that you wrote to each other. It’s something I wish we’d done. Even though we weren’t apart or traveling separately very much during our marriage, it would have been nice to have those written memories. And yes, the daughter voice. Love her so much. I’d still be sitting there dejected if she hadn’t taken charge. So blessed to have her. 🙏❤️💕
Hello! I am new here- this is the first letter I’ve read of yours (thanks to Mesa for the recommendation!). Thank you for being so open with your heart and for taking us there with you through your words. ✨
Welcome, K! And thanks to Mesa for bringing us together. Thank you for your kind words. I’m glad you’re here.💕
Such a heart rendering piece. I felt every word in your piece and my heart aches for you. I teared up several times. Lots of love and hugs to you and your family.
Thank you, Sweet Serenity! I’m so glad this piece touched you. Hugs to you and your family as well. Sending love.💕
Eloquent and lovely to read. Happy 4th of July to you and the kids. Marit is a saint. We love you all.
Jeannie, I don’t know if she’s a saint, but she takes great care of me. I don’t know what I’d do without her positive attitude and energy. And my son and daughter-in-law, and you and Brian! You keep me going. Hugs to you both. Happy Fourth! 🥰💕❤️
Such beautiful depth of feeling, Mary.
Maureen, thank you. You are so generous. I’m glad this touched you. 🙏💕
🩷
i adore reading your words. i feel like we are sitting together, in a couple of Adirondack chairs, sweet lemonade on the wrought iron table between us. you pull us so tenderly, so graciously, into your story. you remind us of the breath-taking and breath-giving ephemeral beauty that lives in us, around us. we do not have all the time in the world as we often think (assume). ps: hearing you read your words would be an epic delight. maybe one day? ;) xo
Mary Lynn, this does sound like a lovely scenario. I’m learning so much from the amazing @Sarah Fay, who does entire lessons on both audio and video formats on Substack. Thank you for your kind and generous words. Who knows what the future holds? 💕
i am just beginning to find my way in this new world of substack. it already feels more grace-filled and generous than other platforms. ;) thank you for your reply. and for sharing your aching heart with us. i consider it an honour when someone invites us to walk alongside them in grief. xo
Hi Mary,
Another beautiful, poignant read. Your words tug at my heart and yet, also make me smile and even laugh. I love how you mix joy and grief together in your writing because that's what they do all the time - overlap. And I absolutely love the poem.
One other thing, I have Alliums in my flower garden and never knew what they were - until now. I suppose I could've looked them up, but I never have. So, thank you for that as well!
Nancy, thank you once again for your great kindness. I so enjoyed writing the poem because it felt like a true expression of the bond between father and daughter. He would have been delighted to see her fearlessly approaching a situation that had left me stymied and in despair.
Aren’t alliums wonderful? I wish I could plant them all over my yard. Sadly, I have too much shade. But they bring such joy. And different varieties bloom at different times. I’m so glad you learned this small lesson from me, because gardening is not my strong suit. I’m learning so much, myself! Hope you’re enjoying your holiday. Thank you for stopping by.💕🙏❤️
Heartwarming ❤️🌹
Thank you, Paulo.
Oh Mary, it’s good to meet you though I wish it were under different circumstances. I hear the rhythm of fresh grief in your words. I’m sorry it is so fresh but also grateful that it has something to do with your writing, you being here. This piece is so lovely.
Leslie, welcome! You are so very kind. I believe that the only way to write honestly is to write from a place of vulnerability. I have to address the fact that we are all subject to the same emotions. To write is to connect. Thank you for your generous words.🙏
Oh Mary …why does this make me laugh so? You’re so good at planting humor where least expected! “The lawn more died and so did you, so inconvenient!” And details about your daughter, your shopping for a man…such a hard thing we all did. … so fun to read as if chatting over lunch or wine! 😂😅That’s how you write… why we all know and love you so much! Feels Like a life-long friend! The purple burst of blooms us perfect for the 4th, for this terrific essay. Thank you for making my day… as we begin to laugh, make fun of ourselves and our loved ones leaving the party too soon… we heal and feel joy again! Love you! 🥰❤️🤗
Joan! So happy to hear from you. I really do feel like we’re chatting in person. Actually, I could use a cup of coffee right now. But I’m trying to resist caffeine, especially after noon. And a long day with lots of food, an early bedtime would do me good. I’m glad you enjoyed this post. I always try to edit out negativity. Not honest sorrow or sadness or anger, but the kind of morose self-pity no one needs to hear. And if humor shows up, they say laughter is the best medicine. And so are you! Hugs.👍🙏❤️🥰
Wow, girl ….1996, missed that
the first time I read. You’ll be at 2000 super soon! I’m so happy you’ve grown so well so fast. You are gifted in many ways… kindness and caring matter as much as your writing Honered to be a paid subscriber, to have known you when…before you’ve become our Writing Queen! Much love and hugs …and may you get a good sleep tonight … despite the firecrackers! 🇺🇸💙🥰
I read this piece as I prepare for a holiday dinner…and it brought home the fact that I have done what I continually say I will not do…….there is enough food for a week, or a church potluck. It’s only me and the five adult “kids” here today, but I can’t stop cooking for the family that was, the family that made holidays fun and meaningful. I’m going to go write about it. You lit a flame I need to fan. Reality check, There are only six of us now, not twenty.
Oh, Jana. It’s not just that you develop habits, but that you’re also sharing love with your family. And family is always a part of you. I can’t wait to read your story.💕