Happy New Year to you Mary! Thank you for all that you give of yourself. Writing this as I lay here in the dark just after midnight and was happy to see this drop.
Hi Brian! It’s not quite midnight here. So happy to ring in the New Year with you. Looking forward to seeing you in CWC, and to all good things a writing life brings. Cheers — or as we say in Minnesota — Skol!🥂
God I love this. You take my breath away and give it back in the course of a post. I’m laying in my bed watching the clock and in comes this post. Thank you for your magic. Behind the camera and at the keyboard, your keen eyes show us what life looks like. I wish you a very happy new year filled with joy and happiness. You bring both to the world and it’s a better place with you in it.
Mary, you bring joy to so many people, not just with your writing (which is superb), but with your generous spirit and loving heart. Strangely, this was the saddest of the four NYEs I've spent without Steven. I always thought time would make things like this easier, but grief is unpredictable. I've heard so many stories of loved ones taking their last breath when no one is in the room. I'm not much of a woo woo type of person, but I do believe that the dying choose when they are going to leave. Oftentimes it would be too hard to let go with family present. I've tried to let go of most of my regrets, and I've forgiven myself for many things that happened during the three years after Steven was diagnosed. It's complicated, and not rational, but we still try to make some. kind of sense of the whole thing. You have come into yourself as a writer, and I'm so excited to see more of your dreams come true in 2025. XO 🥰❤️😍
Amy, wishing you so much love. A big hug to you. I’m so sorry to hear that things are rough for you today. I have to say that I was in my bathroom and pajamas until about seven this evening, when I put on sweats, thinking maybe I’d finish this post and send it out. I’d eaten chocolate all day. Nothing else. Binged on bonbons. Raged at my phone for some crime against humanity. But after I had some leftover chicken soup and spent some time with my therapist (Mini) I tinkered with this piece and decided to finish the year on a good note. So yes, I totally get it. Today was a close one.
My brain-on-chocolate came up with an aphorism that may or may not be original: “Regrets are pointless unless they point you in the right direction.” I felt guilty about lingering that night. But I got some cool pictures; one of them generated this story.
I definitely believe that the dying do choose their time to leave us. They have their reasons. I think it was out of love that he waited.
Nothing about grief is rational. There’s a whole psycho-pharma-insurance-industrial complex that owes its existence to saying “Time’s up!” when grief steps out of its assigned path and duration.
Thank you for sharing this journey with me. I hope you know that you’re one of the most inspiring and passionate people I know. Together, we’ll make 2025 a great year. xoxo🫶💕🎉🥂
Thank you Mary for your kindness. I woke up this morning and took a shower and washed my hair. It's hard to say if I got in the shower because I was feeling better or I'm feeling better because I got in the shower, but either way I am feeling better than yesterday. I didn't want to admit (even to myself) that I was feeling extra low because some guy ghosted me on a dating app. It's the first time I've been on an app in several months, and I was mad at myself (and embarrassed) for trying again. As you said, grief isn't rational. I am looking forward to making 2025 great with you. XOXO 🥰❤️🥰❤️
Showers are good, no matter what the reason. Just love the feel of clean hair and warmth on your neck. You deserve it. What an a**hole, ghosting you like that. You deserve so much better. I hope you know this, and don’t beat yourself up for taking a risk. He was probably one of those Substack guys who subscribe under three different names and a hot profile picture. I keep thinking, Wow, you really get around, don’t you? Australia, you say? No, Italy? Oh, Amsterdam. Right. 2025 will be much better. Love you. xoxo 🎊
The Tempest was the very first stage production I ever saw. It was in the 60’s by a visiting tour group from London. My high school class studied the play and then made a field trip to see it, weeks later when the tour group arrived in town.
I have been hooked on live theater ever since.
In the eighties a Gary Gisselman became artistic director of our local theater for a few years. He arrived from the Guthrie in Minneapolis. He cast me for two small, non-Union roles, in The Elephant Man. It was fun and educational being around professional actors.
Colleen! Happy New Year to you! I had this post scheduled to go out Monday morning, but I decided to wait. And I’m glad I did. Of course I rewrote it about ten times. I think he was here with me, playing a few tricks, not letting me hit Publish until he really put me through the wringer. Strange, how light and happy I feel.
Thank you, as always, for your friendship. What a gift you are. Looking forward to the Mew Year — not a typo, that’s just Mini, thinking it’s the Year of the Cat — and grateful for all that you bring to the world. Skol!🥂🐱
Thank you for this, Mary. I lost my dear son, who was just 37 year old, on Earth Day in April 2023, probably around the time your husband passed away, and am finding this New Year morning very tough. Very sad, but also very proud of what we had, very grateful too. I shall remember you often.
Sandhya, my deepest condolences on the loss of your son. Yes, it was right around the same time that my husband died. I think there’s something to Eliot’s “April is the cruelest month,” but it’s hard to know. I’m sorry to hear that you’re having a difficult time. These holidays can be painful. May your memories bring comfort. I will be thinking of you, also. 🙏
Jim, I’m envious. What a terrific introduction to the theatre. I think there’s something about The Tempest that is just innately beautiful, appealing to all of the senses and emotions and containing such pure poetic language.
The Guthrie is well-known as a first-rate school for everything related to theatre. I have not heard of the person you mentioned, but I’m sure he was extremely knowledgeable. How wonderful to have the chance to act in The Elephant Man. Another incredible play.
I’ve stood at that spot, walked the bridge, been entertained at the Guthrie, and looking back with nostalgia, I will now see you and your dear one there in my mind as well. May your memories and this new year bless you well.
Deb, it’s an amazing place, isn’t it? I think it’s one of the liminal spaces, where there’s wonder and astonishment in every direction. So many great memories contained in one space. Wishing you a magical New Year.
Liz, there’s always some sorrow with the joy, I think. It feels strange - and it was a huge surprise - to find that inside the grief of losing my husband, there was an opening to happiness. Thank you for reading.
Mary, reading your words this past year has been a blessing I didn't know I needed until you came into my life. Life is hard. Sometimes, we try to sugarcoat it and ignore the challenges. You have shown us all how to confront the difficult days, embrace the beautiful ones, and continue thriving amidst it all. Thank you. I am privileged to read you and support your work. May your new year be filled with many blessings.
Matthew, thank you. You are a true force for kindness in this world. Your generosity to your fellow Substackers is one of the best things this platform offers. I’m honored that you’re here, and humbled by your remarks. Wishing you a wonderful year of exploration Beyond the Bookshelf.
I love you, Mary. What a beautiful piece. Magic never ends. It's so true. I'm beginning to really take in the magic all around me. With all of the challenges, the failures and triumphs, in the end what I know is that I've lived a charmed life. I just didn't see it for way too many years. This next year will reveal much...if we keep paying attention. Details matter.
Thank you, Nan! We’ve been in that space for too many years. It’s all around us but we can’t see, and we blame ourselves for not seeing . . . What a wheel of suffering. We both have lived charmed lives. I’m drawn to the analogy of Ariel, the beautiful spirit capable of wondrous things, held captive by Prospero. It’s our own great gifts - and our joy - that we suppress. Love you too, Nan. Let’s not hurt ourselves anymore. xoxo
Happy New Year, Mary! And you started off the New Year with a poignant, beautiful, heartfelt post. We are all human, and no one can predict our last days or even the effect of taking a few minutes away from our loved ones. You were the best wife you knew how to be. That's all anyone can be.
I am so sorry about your husband. Grief is everlasting. Your husband knew how much you loved him.
I hope you have a wonderful 2025, and I look forward to reading more of your work.
Happy New Year, Beth! I’m glad to hear that this piece touched you. The end of the year is always difficult: a time to find our way back to what matters, to take those lessons and move forward, hoping not to stumble. I held on to this post after I finished an earlier draft. I’m glad I did, because there was a lot of dark meanderings in it. We were together for forty-three years. The grief will always be there, but it’s a companion, not an adversary. Thank you for sharing this journey with me. Blessings to you in 2025.🙏
Thank you, Maureen. Wishing you lovely New Year as well.
Happy New Year to you Mary! Thank you for all that you give of yourself. Writing this as I lay here in the dark just after midnight and was happy to see this drop.
Hi Brian! It’s not quite midnight here. So happy to ring in the New Year with you. Looking forward to seeing you in CWC, and to all good things a writing life brings. Cheers — or as we say in Minnesota — Skol!🥂
Love you, Mary! Seeing this come in tonight made my heart happy.
Love you too, Tiffany! One minute to midnight here . . . wait . . . Happy New Year! 🎊🎆 🌟🎉
Mary,
God I love this. You take my breath away and give it back in the course of a post. I’m laying in my bed watching the clock and in comes this post. Thank you for your magic. Behind the camera and at the keyboard, your keen eyes show us what life looks like. I wish you a very happy new year filled with joy and happiness. You bring both to the world and it’s a better place with you in it.
Mary, you bring joy to so many people, not just with your writing (which is superb), but with your generous spirit and loving heart. Strangely, this was the saddest of the four NYEs I've spent without Steven. I always thought time would make things like this easier, but grief is unpredictable. I've heard so many stories of loved ones taking their last breath when no one is in the room. I'm not much of a woo woo type of person, but I do believe that the dying choose when they are going to leave. Oftentimes it would be too hard to let go with family present. I've tried to let go of most of my regrets, and I've forgiven myself for many things that happened during the three years after Steven was diagnosed. It's complicated, and not rational, but we still try to make some. kind of sense of the whole thing. You have come into yourself as a writer, and I'm so excited to see more of your dreams come true in 2025. XO 🥰❤️😍
Amy, wishing you so much love. A big hug to you. I’m so sorry to hear that things are rough for you today. I have to say that I was in my bathroom and pajamas until about seven this evening, when I put on sweats, thinking maybe I’d finish this post and send it out. I’d eaten chocolate all day. Nothing else. Binged on bonbons. Raged at my phone for some crime against humanity. But after I had some leftover chicken soup and spent some time with my therapist (Mini) I tinkered with this piece and decided to finish the year on a good note. So yes, I totally get it. Today was a close one.
My brain-on-chocolate came up with an aphorism that may or may not be original: “Regrets are pointless unless they point you in the right direction.” I felt guilty about lingering that night. But I got some cool pictures; one of them generated this story.
I definitely believe that the dying do choose their time to leave us. They have their reasons. I think it was out of love that he waited.
Nothing about grief is rational. There’s a whole psycho-pharma-insurance-industrial complex that owes its existence to saying “Time’s up!” when grief steps out of its assigned path and duration.
Thank you for sharing this journey with me. I hope you know that you’re one of the most inspiring and passionate people I know. Together, we’ll make 2025 a great year. xoxo🫶💕🎉🥂
Thank you Mary for your kindness. I woke up this morning and took a shower and washed my hair. It's hard to say if I got in the shower because I was feeling better or I'm feeling better because I got in the shower, but either way I am feeling better than yesterday. I didn't want to admit (even to myself) that I was feeling extra low because some guy ghosted me on a dating app. It's the first time I've been on an app in several months, and I was mad at myself (and embarrassed) for trying again. As you said, grief isn't rational. I am looking forward to making 2025 great with you. XOXO 🥰❤️🥰❤️
Showers are good, no matter what the reason. Just love the feel of clean hair and warmth on your neck. You deserve it. What an a**hole, ghosting you like that. You deserve so much better. I hope you know this, and don’t beat yourself up for taking a risk. He was probably one of those Substack guys who subscribe under three different names and a hot profile picture. I keep thinking, Wow, you really get around, don’t you? Australia, you say? No, Italy? Oh, Amsterdam. Right. 2025 will be much better. Love you. xoxo 🎊
The Tempest was the very first stage production I ever saw. It was in the 60’s by a visiting tour group from London. My high school class studied the play and then made a field trip to see it, weeks later when the tour group arrived in town.
I have been hooked on live theater ever since.
In the eighties a Gary Gisselman became artistic director of our local theater for a few years. He arrived from the Guthrie in Minneapolis. He cast me for two small, non-Union roles, in The Elephant Man. It was fun and educational being around professional actors.
Colleen! Happy New Year to you! I had this post scheduled to go out Monday morning, but I decided to wait. And I’m glad I did. Of course I rewrote it about ten times. I think he was here with me, playing a few tricks, not letting me hit Publish until he really put me through the wringer. Strange, how light and happy I feel.
Thank you, as always, for your friendship. What a gift you are. Looking forward to the Mew Year — not a typo, that’s just Mini, thinking it’s the Year of the Cat — and grateful for all that you bring to the world. Skol!🥂🐱
Thank you for this, Mary. I lost my dear son, who was just 37 year old, on Earth Day in April 2023, probably around the time your husband passed away, and am finding this New Year morning very tough. Very sad, but also very proud of what we had, very grateful too. I shall remember you often.
Sandhya, my deepest condolences on the loss of your son. Yes, it was right around the same time that my husband died. I think there’s something to Eliot’s “April is the cruelest month,” but it’s hard to know. I’m sorry to hear that you’re having a difficult time. These holidays can be painful. May your memories bring comfort. I will be thinking of you, also. 🙏
So beautifully written. And that's just for starters.
Thank you, X. P. Wishing you a happy New Year
Jim, I’m envious. What a terrific introduction to the theatre. I think there’s something about The Tempest that is just innately beautiful, appealing to all of the senses and emotions and containing such pure poetic language.
The Guthrie is well-known as a first-rate school for everything related to theatre. I have not heard of the person you mentioned, but I’m sure he was extremely knowledgeable. How wonderful to have the chance to act in The Elephant Man. Another incredible play.
I’ve stood at that spot, walked the bridge, been entertained at the Guthrie, and looking back with nostalgia, I will now see you and your dear one there in my mind as well. May your memories and this new year bless you well.
Deb, it’s an amazing place, isn’t it? I think it’s one of the liminal spaces, where there’s wonder and astonishment in every direction. So many great memories contained in one space. Wishing you a magical New Year.
Have yet to even read the post, but the title alone. Let's GO, Mary.
Let’s do it, Jim! Here’s to a wonderful year.
Happy New Year. Memories come with aches built in sometimes, don't they? Thanks for putting it into words.
Liz, there’s always some sorrow with the joy, I think. It feels strange - and it was a huge surprise - to find that inside the grief of losing my husband, there was an opening to happiness. Thank you for reading.
Mary, reading your words this past year has been a blessing I didn't know I needed until you came into my life. Life is hard. Sometimes, we try to sugarcoat it and ignore the challenges. You have shown us all how to confront the difficult days, embrace the beautiful ones, and continue thriving amidst it all. Thank you. I am privileged to read you and support your work. May your new year be filled with many blessings.
Matthew, thank you. You are a true force for kindness in this world. Your generosity to your fellow Substackers is one of the best things this platform offers. I’m honored that you’re here, and humbled by your remarks. Wishing you a wonderful year of exploration Beyond the Bookshelf.
I love you, Mary. What a beautiful piece. Magic never ends. It's so true. I'm beginning to really take in the magic all around me. With all of the challenges, the failures and triumphs, in the end what I know is that I've lived a charmed life. I just didn't see it for way too many years. This next year will reveal much...if we keep paying attention. Details matter.
Thank you, Nan! We’ve been in that space for too many years. It’s all around us but we can’t see, and we blame ourselves for not seeing . . . What a wheel of suffering. We both have lived charmed lives. I’m drawn to the analogy of Ariel, the beautiful spirit capable of wondrous things, held captive by Prospero. It’s our own great gifts - and our joy - that we suppress. Love you too, Nan. Let’s not hurt ourselves anymore. xoxo
I'm in. I love that. xo
Happy New Year, Mary! And you started off the New Year with a poignant, beautiful, heartfelt post. We are all human, and no one can predict our last days or even the effect of taking a few minutes away from our loved ones. You were the best wife you knew how to be. That's all anyone can be.
I am so sorry about your husband. Grief is everlasting. Your husband knew how much you loved him.
I hope you have a wonderful 2025, and I look forward to reading more of your work.
Happy New Year, Beth! I’m glad to hear that this piece touched you. The end of the year is always difficult: a time to find our way back to what matters, to take those lessons and move forward, hoping not to stumble. I held on to this post after I finished an earlier draft. I’m glad I did, because there was a lot of dark meanderings in it. We were together for forty-three years. The grief will always be there, but it’s a companion, not an adversary. Thank you for sharing this journey with me. Blessings to you in 2025.🙏