Both her mother and father became school teachers , as did my mother. In the forties and fifties you would teach more than one subject. My mom graduated college at age 20and taught English, Latin, drama, and PE! The floor of the gym had a built in stage that could be lowered and raised by using a hand crank. She eventually got a masters in library science. She was very beloved with a sweet nature and passed at age 101.
Kathryn, how wonderful. Such great memories. Your mom sounds amazing. To teach four subjects, and go on to get a masters degree. Living to 101! A full, meaningful life is a gift to all.
How many nutcrackers? Hmmmm. Happy Christmas, Mary, from your friend who does Hanukah! I only have one nutcracker, purchased for cracking lobster claws, (don't tell my grandmother, lobster's not kosher, but then, neither am I). Love you. xoxo
I’m reading this as my Swedish meatballs finish on the stove after an appetizer of dill herring on hard tack. My dad made meatballs every year with potato sausage, his parents Swedish immigrants to Michigan. I made a Santa Lucia puppet in 4th grade.. but no one ever told me her true history. Yikes!! Glad your kids drew the line at the photos from 4th grade. Glad you’re finding your path forward with or without a crown of candles. 💕💕💕
Eliza, yes! When Christianity was introduced to Northern Europe, it had to be made palatable. So: Santa Lucia, sanitized. Your Christmas sounds delightful, and delicious. My dad actually made the lefse; his was the Norwegian version, more like hardtack. But wonderful heated with butter. My parents did loosen up later in my childhood. So glad your Santa Lucia experience was benign. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you, Mellissa. Christmas is fraught and weighted for so many people. I think it’s important to share both sides of the story. It’s really about the love.❤️
Indeed it’s the right way because it’s your way. Allowing an abundance of wiggle room and grace to switch things up if we feel called to. I have a dear friend who orders pizza 🍕 and watches movies all day snuggled under her cozy comforters. I say, “Way to Go!” She’s one very happy camper! Lovely read, thank you, Mary. ❤️
Thank you, Joanie! Pizza sounds great right now. I’m thinking “Nosferatu” on Christmas Day. And we’re doing food but no presents. Love my family. Best wishes to you.
Thank you, Helen! It’s great to be released from the pressure to get things perfect every time. My children are the best thing in my life. And yes, the nativity scene does make me smile. Much gratitude for your kind words. Merry Christmas to you. 🙏🎄
While I do read your writing with my eyes, I always feel it in my heart. The word "wistful" comes to mind, is that what I'm feeling? Some combination of nostalgia and melancholy maybe. There are times when I wish life gave us "do overs" and then I realize I might not be here writing this comment to a woman I've never met face to face but who I've trusted with some of my most tender feelings. That would suck because you've become important to me Mary, so I'm happy to leave the past the way it was and hope I can do better in the future - or at least be kinder to myself when I fuck up again. I'm wishing you and Mini a peaceful, not-shitty Christmas. Love, Amy XO ❤️🥰❤️🥰
Amy, I’m so glad we’ve met and become friends on Substack. I never write with an effort to elicit a specific response in a reader. “Wistful” seems pretty appropriate to describe the thoughts I had when writing this. Not melancholy, although there’s always a certain amount of that emotion that always attaches to the holiday season, probably for a lot of us.
I think this second year of widowhood is challenging in so many ways. In part, it’s the fact that I can’t “corroborate” memories with my husband’s remembrance of the same events. I keep wanting to say, When did that happen? and get even a ballpark figure in response. Time blurs. I never expected his emotions to match up with mine. But there’s a subtle kind of check-in that took place, probably on an unconscious level. I miss that.
This year, we’re not exchanging presents. Not at all. And what a relief! We can just relax and enjoy being together at the holidays. I feel as if I have a Substack family, too. You’re an important part of my life. And I will never judge you.
I wish you the non-shittiest (is that a word? It is now!) Christmas/Hanukah/solstice ever. And next year will be great. Love you so much.❤️🥰🌟💕
Your words always soothe my heart. I hope the cobalt will see the light of day more often, too special to be only used as special. I wish you a peaceful Christmas. ❤❤
My mothers parents came from Minnesota and North Dakota!
Kathryn, they are a special kind of people. Not the easiest place to settle. But they made a great life for their families. Thanks for sharing.
Both her mother and father became school teachers , as did my mother. In the forties and fifties you would teach more than one subject. My mom graduated college at age 20and taught English, Latin, drama, and PE! The floor of the gym had a built in stage that could be lowered and raised by using a hand crank. She eventually got a masters in library science. She was very beloved with a sweet nature and passed at age 101.
Kathryn, how wonderful. Such great memories. Your mom sounds amazing. To teach four subjects, and go on to get a masters degree. Living to 101! A full, meaningful life is a gift to all.
Yes, it’s the right way to do Christmas! 🎄
Susan, there were so many years of self-doubt. But things worked out well, and my kids are wonderful. They are a gift.🎁
The right way to do Christmas is in any way you can manage.
Michelle, you are so right. Some of us need more time to learn. Wishing you a Merry Christmas and peaceful New Year.
How many nutcrackers? Hmmmm. Happy Christmas, Mary, from your friend who does Hanukah! I only have one nutcracker, purchased for cracking lobster claws, (don't tell my grandmother, lobster's not kosher, but then, neither am I). Love you. xoxo
If a group of crows is a “murder” the a group of nutcrackers must be a “nightmare,” right? Love you, Nan! xoxo
Yes. That makes perfect sense. Gosh, you're brilliant! I feel honored to know you! xoxoxoxoxo
I’m reading this as my Swedish meatballs finish on the stove after an appetizer of dill herring on hard tack. My dad made meatballs every year with potato sausage, his parents Swedish immigrants to Michigan. I made a Santa Lucia puppet in 4th grade.. but no one ever told me her true history. Yikes!! Glad your kids drew the line at the photos from 4th grade. Glad you’re finding your path forward with or without a crown of candles. 💕💕💕
Eliza, yes! When Christianity was introduced to Northern Europe, it had to be made palatable. So: Santa Lucia, sanitized. Your Christmas sounds delightful, and delicious. My dad actually made the lefse; his was the Norwegian version, more like hardtack. But wonderful heated with butter. My parents did loosen up later in my childhood. So glad your Santa Lucia experience was benign. Thanks for sharing.
So much emotion in this beautiful piece, Mary.
Thank you, Mellissa. Christmas is fraught and weighted for so many people. I think it’s important to share both sides of the story. It’s really about the love.❤️
It really, really is.
Love to you my writer friend. You are a marvel.
As are you, Mary. I’m honored by your generous words. Love to you always. xoxo
Every time. You succeed every time. You pull me in and command my attention from line one to final full stop.
Kim, what a lovely thing to say. You do the same with your poetry.🫶
A beautiful essay, as always, Mary. Sending you best wishes and love.
Thank you, Maureen. Love to you too.🫶
Indeed it’s the right way because it’s your way. Allowing an abundance of wiggle room and grace to switch things up if we feel called to. I have a dear friend who orders pizza 🍕 and watches movies all day snuggled under her cozy comforters. I say, “Way to Go!” She’s one very happy camper! Lovely read, thank you, Mary. ❤️
Thank you, Joanie! Pizza sounds great right now. I’m thinking “Nosferatu” on Christmas Day. And we’re doing food but no presents. Love my family. Best wishes to you.
Any way you feel comfortable and happy is the right way to do Christmas, Mary. 🎄
I loved your children’s nativity scene so much, btw. ☺️ 👌
Thank you for this lovely post.
Merry Christmas. ✨
Thank you, Helen! It’s great to be released from the pressure to get things perfect every time. My children are the best thing in my life. And yes, the nativity scene does make me smile. Much gratitude for your kind words. Merry Christmas to you. 🙏🎄
As usual, your writing is beautiful! Thank you for sharing these beautiful traditions!
Thank you, Manuela! You’re very kind. 🙏
While I do read your writing with my eyes, I always feel it in my heart. The word "wistful" comes to mind, is that what I'm feeling? Some combination of nostalgia and melancholy maybe. There are times when I wish life gave us "do overs" and then I realize I might not be here writing this comment to a woman I've never met face to face but who I've trusted with some of my most tender feelings. That would suck because you've become important to me Mary, so I'm happy to leave the past the way it was and hope I can do better in the future - or at least be kinder to myself when I fuck up again. I'm wishing you and Mini a peaceful, not-shitty Christmas. Love, Amy XO ❤️🥰❤️🥰
Amy, I’m so glad we’ve met and become friends on Substack. I never write with an effort to elicit a specific response in a reader. “Wistful” seems pretty appropriate to describe the thoughts I had when writing this. Not melancholy, although there’s always a certain amount of that emotion that always attaches to the holiday season, probably for a lot of us.
I think this second year of widowhood is challenging in so many ways. In part, it’s the fact that I can’t “corroborate” memories with my husband’s remembrance of the same events. I keep wanting to say, When did that happen? and get even a ballpark figure in response. Time blurs. I never expected his emotions to match up with mine. But there’s a subtle kind of check-in that took place, probably on an unconscious level. I miss that.
This year, we’re not exchanging presents. Not at all. And what a relief! We can just relax and enjoy being together at the holidays. I feel as if I have a Substack family, too. You’re an important part of my life. And I will never judge you.
I wish you the non-shittiest (is that a word? It is now!) Christmas/Hanukah/solstice ever. And next year will be great. Love you so much.❤️🥰🌟💕
A joy to read, as always! Thanks, Mary, wishing you a wonderful Christmas and only good things for the coming year.
Thank you, Shell! So glad you enjoyed this. Best wishes for a glorious New Year.🎉
Your words always soothe my heart. I hope the cobalt will see the light of day more often, too special to be only used as special. I wish you a peaceful Christmas. ❤❤
Thank you, Nancy. Wishing the same to you.🙏❤️
Sending love, merry Christmas.
Love to you, Julie.🎄❤️ Wishing you warmth and peace this New Year.🙏