“Form ceased to be the determining factor ... I paid more attention — no matter how much it pained me — to function, reliability, and UL approval tags.”
I feel this is good advice for many of life’s decisions.
So very true. Trying to live by it! I raised a designer daughter, who knows how to balance these things. She's my role model, even though she covets my teak dining room table and my mom's Pyrex bowls. The ones I just wrote about! The millennials love mid-century modern. Also, I can't keep her away from my vinyl LPs.
Oh, that feeling when you realize you've stuck your foot in your mouth! Sweat, white hot shame. I'm not on social media, except here on Notes, which feels different somehow. But in the past I've found plenty of ways to say stupid sh*t in real life. I'm sure I'll find plenty more. It's a terrible feeling, and a toaster fire seems like a really apt metaphor. Small scale, yet still bad. I tell myself that everybody does this at some point. I remind myself of that when I'm on the receiving end of the "stupid sh*t" and try to take a deep breath and respond with calm. When I'm really good, I ask questions that give the other party a chance to get out of the hole they've dug. Things I'd love to have somebody do for me. I figure, as humans, we're all just constantly in a state of practicing for the next time we say something stupid. I think, along with regular physical exercise, physicians should recommending daily apology practice, both delivering and receiving. It would do us all good. 💕
Thank you, Tara. An apology practice is something I truly need. Oh, the things I wish I could unsay and undo. How often I've shamed and punished myself over stuff from decades ago. "Being human" is the human condition, and it's pretty much inescapable. Bless you.❤️
What joy you bring to this forum. The strikeout for your brain would be a million dollar invention, one purchased first by me. Before the dawn of social media, I participated in a chat room under a pseudonym. I became unnecessarily chatty with someone in said chat room. Due to the newness (and glitchyness) of the medium, somehow I intercepted correspondence between two people discussing me and my flirtatious nature. I immediately deleted my fake name and account.
The devil and a lot of insomnia made me do it. Thank you for this wonderful breath of levity and the opportunity to read more of your work.
Oh, Colleen. The stories I could tell. In one of my groups, the queen bee actually manufactured something like sixty different fake names, trying to drive me out. I was devastated many times until I realized what was happening. Finally, I think the moderator gave her a stern warning and she disappeared. Or I think she did. An incredibly bizarre experience, to be targeted like that. Sometimes I wish I’d made a list of those personae. It’s amazing how much energy and time we invest in these worlds that do not exist. It shows how desperate we are for connection.
"I wish I had a strikethrough icon in my head." Absolutely get this. That voice that won't leave us alone. Our own voice. The cruel voices of childhood.
I know! It’s hard when things stay with you for a ridiculous amount of time. And you know that the people involved have probably forgotten about it. But then again, I’ve had people tell me, “You once said something that hurt me very much,” and expect me to know what it was, and won’t provide that information. Hard to shake that off, probably because it’s so manipulative. Anyway, that’s another conversation. With my therapist.
Wow, that's hurtful, having people being so manipulative.
More generally, it's ridiculous the things that stick in our heads. Most conversation just flows through us, but we remember funny or or cruel comments from childhood.
Oh Mary! This is all so true!! I can remember the struggles in 5th grade, actually (where it begins, 6th being brutal) witnessed them with my daughter.. oh my heart. Love the beauty of your honesty here. ox
Yes. Fifth grade is worse in so many ways. Movies like “Mean Girls” treat it as a high school phenomenon, but it starts much earlier. The concept of bullying is seen in a one-dimensional way, predominantly as it applies to boys. But, whoa! Girls have it rough, too, maybe because it’s more indirect.
Yess! it was child's play before the internet, apps/phones, etc. and it was mean for sure --> but now? it doesn't seem survivable without massive support, limited screen use rules, etc, from parents :(
Fun read...but it hits home too! I’ve never used strike out quite as well as you do... what a visual as you wrestle with self-doubt and regret. This was a great essay...those mean girls and behind our back moments of our past! We’ll done, Mary! Love your writing! 😊
Thank you, Joan! I can’t believe it took me so long to discover the strikeout. And when I get going, it’s like a new toy. What I love is that it’s a tool of honesty as a writer and as a human being. You have to look at what you’re putting on the page and saying, Nope. You were delusional, and it’s okay to say so. Publicly. Because you find out that you’re not alone.
This morning I left the lid off the dog food bin after I fed them. When I finally noticed it I hoped they hadn’t, but they ran back inside faster than usual and beelined straight to the laundry room (where we keep the bin). They were clearly crestfallen to find their magical portal had been shut. And while I’m confessing, I’ll also confess this may or may not have been due to Internet specially, but rather distraction in general. But since we’re getting our forgetfulness absolved, I wanted to get in line. PS I love your writing.
Thank you so much for your kind words. I’m so honored that you enjoy my work.❤️
I think that blaming the internet is a good general approach to life. And I’m convinced that there’s a secret connection between all electronic devices and anything that works when plugged into an outlet. It’s a conspiracy. They’ve now recruited domestic animals in their search to take over the world.
And by the way, I loved your post. I'm a minority, I guess, but I have avoided social media like hell. Being here on Substack feels less intimidating, but still...
I wanted to do a quippy strikethrough myself but substack doesn't support that in comments :(
I love it when writers try new things with the medium, and it turns out to actually contribute to the piece rather than just being new, and this was it :)
“Form ceased to be the determining factor ... I paid more attention — no matter how much it pained me — to function, reliability, and UL approval tags.”
I feel this is good advice for many of life’s decisions.
So very true. Trying to live by it! I raised a designer daughter, who knows how to balance these things. She's my role model, even though she covets my teak dining room table and my mom's Pyrex bowls. The ones I just wrote about! The millennials love mid-century modern. Also, I can't keep her away from my vinyl LPs.
I regularly set my toaster on fire , sadly I cannot always blame the internet, it's usually me. Loved this.
Thank you, Winter & Dumas! Such a relief to know I'm not alone.
Me too! I've watched flames lick the bottoms of the cabinets above the appliance and thought, "there goes another one"
Hope the damage wasn’t too severe! It’s a scary thought that a moment of inattention can create such a terrifying situation.
It does make me wonder where my head is sometimes.
I know that feeling! 😱
This made me laugh, same here.
Oh, that feeling when you realize you've stuck your foot in your mouth! Sweat, white hot shame. I'm not on social media, except here on Notes, which feels different somehow. But in the past I've found plenty of ways to say stupid sh*t in real life. I'm sure I'll find plenty more. It's a terrible feeling, and a toaster fire seems like a really apt metaphor. Small scale, yet still bad. I tell myself that everybody does this at some point. I remind myself of that when I'm on the receiving end of the "stupid sh*t" and try to take a deep breath and respond with calm. When I'm really good, I ask questions that give the other party a chance to get out of the hole they've dug. Things I'd love to have somebody do for me. I figure, as humans, we're all just constantly in a state of practicing for the next time we say something stupid. I think, along with regular physical exercise, physicians should recommending daily apology practice, both delivering and receiving. It would do us all good. 💕
Thank you, Tara. An apology practice is something I truly need. Oh, the things I wish I could unsay and undo. How often I've shamed and punished myself over stuff from decades ago. "Being human" is the human condition, and it's pretty much inescapable. Bless you.❤️
Mary,
What joy you bring to this forum. The strikeout for your brain would be a million dollar invention, one purchased first by me. Before the dawn of social media, I participated in a chat room under a pseudonym. I became unnecessarily chatty with someone in said chat room. Due to the newness (and glitchyness) of the medium, somehow I intercepted correspondence between two people discussing me and my flirtatious nature. I immediately deleted my fake name and account.
The devil and a lot of insomnia made me do it. Thank you for this wonderful breath of levity and the opportunity to read more of your work.
Oh, Colleen. The stories I could tell. In one of my groups, the queen bee actually manufactured something like sixty different fake names, trying to drive me out. I was devastated many times until I realized what was happening. Finally, I think the moderator gave her a stern warning and she disappeared. Or I think she did. An incredibly bizarre experience, to be targeted like that. Sometimes I wish I’d made a list of those personae. It’s amazing how much energy and time we invest in these worlds that do not exist. It shows how desperate we are for connection.
"I wish I had a strikethrough icon in my head." Absolutely get this. That voice that won't leave us alone. Our own voice. The cruel voices of childhood.
I know! It’s hard when things stay with you for a ridiculous amount of time. And you know that the people involved have probably forgotten about it. But then again, I’ve had people tell me, “You once said something that hurt me very much,” and expect me to know what it was, and won’t provide that information. Hard to shake that off, probably because it’s so manipulative. Anyway, that’s another conversation. With my therapist.
Wow, that's hurtful, having people being so manipulative.
More generally, it's ridiculous the things that stick in our heads. Most conversation just flows through us, but we remember funny or or cruel comments from childhood.
My girls are nearly 6th graders and I’m terrified
Jenna, it’s a rough time. But they have a great mother. You’ll see them through.❤️
🤞🤞🤞
Oh Mary! This is all so true!! I can remember the struggles in 5th grade, actually (where it begins, 6th being brutal) witnessed them with my daughter.. oh my heart. Love the beauty of your honesty here. ox
Yes. Fifth grade is worse in so many ways. Movies like “Mean Girls” treat it as a high school phenomenon, but it starts much earlier. The concept of bullying is seen in a one-dimensional way, predominantly as it applies to boys. But, whoa! Girls have it rough, too, maybe because it’s more indirect.
Yess! it was child's play before the internet, apps/phones, etc. and it was mean for sure --> but now? it doesn't seem survivable without massive support, limited screen use rules, etc, from parents :(
My heart goes out to those girls, and their moms. I can’t even imagine the pain and the pressure. 💔
Fun read...but it hits home too! I’ve never used strike out quite as well as you do... what a visual as you wrestle with self-doubt and regret. This was a great essay...those mean girls and behind our back moments of our past! We’ll done, Mary! Love your writing! 😊
Thank you, Joan! I can’t believe it took me so long to discover the strikeout. And when I get going, it’s like a new toy. What I love is that it’s a tool of honesty as a writer and as a human being. You have to look at what you’re putting on the page and saying, Nope. You were delusional, and it’s okay to say so. Publicly. Because you find out that you’re not alone.
Thanks for explaining all this...if I reread something not true/I don’t like I just delete and start over. 😅
Now I wonder what I can write, how I might use it 🤔
Looking forward to it, Joan!
I love this so much.
Thank you, Maya! I’m so glad it spoke to you. And deeply grateful that you restacked it. 💕
Thanks for restacking this, @Tim Marr! I’m honored that you enjoyed it.
This morning I left the lid off the dog food bin after I fed them. When I finally noticed it I hoped they hadn’t, but they ran back inside faster than usual and beelined straight to the laundry room (where we keep the bin). They were clearly crestfallen to find their magical portal had been shut. And while I’m confessing, I’ll also confess this may or may not have been due to Internet specially, but rather distraction in general. But since we’re getting our forgetfulness absolved, I wanted to get in line. PS I love your writing.
Thank you so much for your kind words. I’m so honored that you enjoy my work.❤️
I think that blaming the internet is a good general approach to life. And I’m convinced that there’s a secret connection between all electronic devices and anything that works when plugged into an outlet. It’s a conspiracy. They’ve now recruited domestic animals in their search to take over the world.
😱
Mary, if you haven't seen "Love, Death and Robots", please do! Episode 1, from Season 2 is beyond spooky. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YVMoLvMrC8E&ab_channel=Recall
And by the way, I loved your post. I'm a minority, I guess, but I have avoided social media like hell. Being here on Substack feels less intimidating, but still...
I’m almost completely off of social media. I really only participated in Facebook, anyway. Now I’m down to a few people And some private groups.
I’m thrilled to hear that you enjoyed my work. I will definitely check out the link. And your website as well.❤️.
Oh, please do! That would make me really happy.
LOL
So glad it made you laugh!
haha this is one of the most intriguing and surprising piece i've read this week; this is so good mary.
Thank you, Pach ! I’m glad you enjoyed it.
I enjoyed the strike-through approach - we should all listen to the editors in our heads.
Oh, thank you, Bill! I almost went back, thinking I was being way over the top. But when you discover a new toy . . .
Every word resonates, most enjoyable.
Thank you, Creative Thinker! I’m so glad you enjoyed it.
I wanted to do a quippy strikethrough myself but substack doesn't support that in comments :(
I love it when writers try new things with the medium, and it turns out to actually contribute to the piece rather than just being new, and this was it :)
Sometimes I think I need a little fun in my life.