My friends in Minneapolis are enjoying the anomaly too. Interesting post. When we first came from Russia, I was thankful for every driver who would wait for me to pass. Still am. I am often in Minneapolis, so thanks for letting me pass the intersection first - if you did.
What a delightful read. Growing up we were not allowed to say shut up but only quiet. I must have passed on this tradition as I remember my son at around six saying he couldn’t say the S word. I still chuckle thinking about it
I’m in south Florida 56 this morning with wind gusts of 35. Chilly for us. Didn’t want to get out of bed. Also, Floridians (I’m not a native) do not believe in turn signals. They just speed up to change lanes.
Thanks for sharing and putting a smile on my face.
Thank you, Monica! I’m so glad you enjoyed this. It really is astonishing how profanity has become embedded in our daily speech. Kind of takes the power out of those words that were once so naughty that we couldn’t even use the mildest euphemisms. Thanks for reading.
It’s funny how much time and energy one can spend on feeling sorry for things or wondering whether they should. From personal experience - too much!! But I agree with you - we’ve got to forgive ourselves more, including for apologizing too much! And there are worse things than being a considerate person.
Yes, it’s such a difficult habit to break. And so important to realize that it just eats into your life and serves no good purpose in the world. The things you say to and about yourself are meaningful, and can shape your life.❤️
I'd like to tell you I never swear. We were very, very good when the kids were young. But then they got to be older teenagers and we had to loosen up or have to keep interrupting a good conversation to correct their language. I try to read a room and know my audience, but I alway say I come by it honestly. My grandfather was actually a longshoreman. Driving north to visit our son over the weekend we saw two bald eagles sitting in a tree together. It just never gets old seeing them. This was a lovely read. I'm so glad you got out for a walk while it was warm. 💕
I’m glad you enjoyed this, Tara. I’d like to say I didn’t swear when the kids were young, but there were times those words just slipped out. And I wouldn’t be surprised if Grandma did a lot of praying for their souls and mine.
That’s really cool, to see two bald eagles. It absolutely takes my breath away.❤️
You captured this day and all its contradictions well. My mom has never said a swear word of any sort, and I’m kind of the same way. But my husband and kids (in their 20s) are all big swearers…
Today was record-setting as well. Warmest in 99 years. Strange times.
I picked up swearing as a way of breaking loose from my mother. It became a reflex at some point. That’s when I decided to pay attention to my words, because cursing can become a lazy habit that degrades language. I still have my blue-streak moments, though. Thank you for reading, and sharing your thoughts. I love learning about my readers’ lives.
This was a fun read. I remember my cousin and I using the H E Double toothpicks swear substitute and feeling quite sassy about it to each other, but we’d never dare saying it in front of our grandmother or mothers. I loved reading your thoughts and remembrances. I’m not sure the apologies part is something that only happens in your state. I wonder if it’s generational since I could relate to it so well.
Thank you, Sally! I couldn’t get even the slightest hint of a swear past her. The H-E-double toothpicks genuinely surprised me. I thought it was so clever. I just loved the Avon lady for uttering those cliches.
As for the excessive apologies: I don’t know if it’s regional. There are a few idiosyncratic behaviors/sayings that are unique to Minnesota. One is “duck, duck, gray duck” instead of “duck, duck, goose” in the child”s game. I was in my twenties before I had any idea that the rest of the world said “goose.” The excessive-apology behavior may be more prevalent here than elsewhere. And I’m definitely extreme in that respect. But it’s interesting to learn that the syndrome applies elsewhere.
A great post, Mary. I especially enjoyed the scene with the Avon lady,though it took me a moment to work out H E Double toothpicks, which I'd never come across before. As for apologising, we English take some beating on that score. Sorry to boast.
😂 I’m glad you enjoyed this, Jeffrey! It’s interesting to learn that the Sorry syndrome transcends borders. To apologize to inanimate objects is something I do constantly. Especially with tables. But recognizing that I have a problem is the first step. Not that it helps. Maybe I should start a thread here on Substack based on the AA model.
I'm a swearer. I knit and I'm definitely a sweary knitter. I used to be an apologiser, but not so much these days. I am however a smiler - when I bump people or things, when I pass someone on the street, when I go into a shop. It brightens my day, and sometimes I think it brightens others'.
Hi, June! Swearing within a certain context (knitting, or as in my case, fill-in-the-blank) is always appropriate. And I’ve become a smiler myself. It makes a world of difference, in every way I can think of. And I hope you give your sweaters hugs. Sweaters have arms, and can hug you back! (Sorry, it sounds weird. But then, my comfort object is a log). And I know I just apologized for saying something perfectly rational. Hope it made you smile.😊
Thank you, Sue! I’m sitting, at this very moment, in my sunroom, watching my rosemary plant just waiting for me to walk away before it dies and drops all of its leaves. Maybe it should apologize to me.
Love this so much..it’s so much me in many ways! It seems you publish every day Mary! And you’re reading and sharing so much for others... no wonder you’ve 400 and growing... our biggest cheerleader and favorite friend! ❤️😊 Laughed at sorry to the tables...😁 I say it out loud! And oh the mom sharing I do as a grandma and teacher... but I keep it to myself. This is just a joy to read, fun! Lucky dimes or pennies from Heaven make my day too! Terrific writing! 🫶❤️😊🎉
Joan, thank you! You are a wonderful friend. I’m so grateful to have met you here on Substack. Your writing is always an inspiration. And good to know I’m not alone in apologizing to inanimate objects.
The mom-shaming! It didn’t even occur to me that I was being judgmental until I sat down to write this piece. It’s insidious. I was on the receiving end of it for so long, as all moms are. Now I try to give parents all the support and praise I can. Like, if a kid wants to hold a phone and figure out what the magic is, why not? I have to admit to a tiny bit of concern that she may not have Apple Care+, but that’s on me.
I hope your birthday was wonderful. Eighty is amazing. Much love.🎊💕🎉🎈🌹
Tha, thank you so much for your kindness. You are one of the people I have in mind when I write.❤️ I look forward to reading your work as well. Always a blessing, and such an inspiration.🌹
Love this Mary!! I just apologized to a plant I tossed outside for growing too big. Brought her inside to the bathroom hoping to see her bloom. If she can forgive me! I'm British. "Sorry" is our second nature 😩😅
Thank you, Deborah! I’m finding out that there are many contenders for the “sorry” crown. I thought that our state had pretty much locked that up. And the plants! I feel your pain. 🥲
There's so much here to love. I'll begin with the guilt for enjoying the winter that wasn't. We have survived many brutally cold winters and to revel in the relative warmth seems blasphemous. Especially because our comfort is coming at the expense of the planet. Add to that the swear/sorry discussion and you've got yourself another winner.
My daughter moved to Nashville a few years ago. She encountered another shopper at the grocery store when their carts brushed into each other and my daughter apologized. The woman immediately asked her if she was from Minnesota. They shared a laugh at the dead giveaway.
I do think we apologize far too much for frivolous slights. Your versions of swear words from your childhood are an absolute hoot. The way you artfully bring all of the elements together with the goal of self-compassion is lovely. And the Nirvana reference in the subtitle is sublime. Brava, Mary.
Colleen, thank you. I think the real inspiration for this piece came when I - and I know you will totally understand this - ran the dishwasher, forgot to flip the magnetic sign to "clean" and put a dirty plate in among the clean ones. I apologized to my clean dishes for not removing them and putting them away.
The Nashville story is so funny. It's as if there are little coded signals Minnesotans send out to each other. I remember the Guindon cartoon from decades ago: A guy in a really tacky plaid suit at a political convention, or maybe in Congress. The caption was "I recognize the gentleman from Minnesota . . . anywhere."
I think the swear/sorry connection is something I'd like to explore further. It runs pretty deep with me. And the difficulty of enjoying a day that is such a gift. I'm looking back at my journal from last February. Our boiler went out three mornings in a row, and I think the third day it was 12 below. Crazy weather. We forget these things.
You are such a fine writer, Colleen. I feel deeply honored that you appreciated this. You bring such joy into the world. Speaking of joy, congratulations on the new grand baby. He knows how special you are.
It’s so interesting to me that Canadians are also big apologizers. It must be the shared border or watersheds. Or maybe it has something to do with many of us wanting to flee the country right now. (“I’m sorry, but the birds really are singing ‘Oh, sweet Canada’ Calling me home! Sorry, common loon!”)
My friends in Minneapolis are enjoying the anomaly too. Interesting post. When we first came from Russia, I was thankful for every driver who would wait for me to pass. Still am. I am often in Minneapolis, so thanks for letting me pass the intersection first - if you did.
You’re welcome, Eugene. Of course I did. The weather’s cooler now. But still nice.
What a delightful read. Growing up we were not allowed to say shut up but only quiet. I must have passed on this tradition as I remember my son at around six saying he couldn’t say the S word. I still chuckle thinking about it
I’m in south Florida 56 this morning with wind gusts of 35. Chilly for us. Didn’t want to get out of bed. Also, Floridians (I’m not a native) do not believe in turn signals. They just speed up to change lanes.
Thanks for sharing and putting a smile on my face.
Thank you, Monica! I’m so glad you enjoyed this. It really is astonishing how profanity has become embedded in our daily speech. Kind of takes the power out of those words that were once so naughty that we couldn’t even use the mildest euphemisms. Thanks for reading.
Haha I assumed you were Canadian, I didn’t know that Minnesotans were known apologisers!
We’re close neighbors, after all!❤️
It’s funny how much time and energy one can spend on feeling sorry for things or wondering whether they should. From personal experience - too much!! But I agree with you - we’ve got to forgive ourselves more, including for apologizing too much! And there are worse things than being a considerate person.
Yes, it’s such a difficult habit to break. And so important to realize that it just eats into your life and serves no good purpose in the world. The things you say to and about yourself are meaningful, and can shape your life.❤️
I'd like to tell you I never swear. We were very, very good when the kids were young. But then they got to be older teenagers and we had to loosen up or have to keep interrupting a good conversation to correct their language. I try to read a room and know my audience, but I alway say I come by it honestly. My grandfather was actually a longshoreman. Driving north to visit our son over the weekend we saw two bald eagles sitting in a tree together. It just never gets old seeing them. This was a lovely read. I'm so glad you got out for a walk while it was warm. 💕
I’m glad you enjoyed this, Tara. I’d like to say I didn’t swear when the kids were young, but there were times those words just slipped out. And I wouldn’t be surprised if Grandma did a lot of praying for their souls and mine.
That’s really cool, to see two bald eagles. It absolutely takes my breath away.❤️
You captured this day and all its contradictions well. My mom has never said a swear word of any sort, and I’m kind of the same way. But my husband and kids (in their 20s) are all big swearers…
Today was record-setting as well. Warmest in 99 years. Strange times.
I picked up swearing as a way of breaking loose from my mother. It became a reflex at some point. That’s when I decided to pay attention to my words, because cursing can become a lazy habit that degrades language. I still have my blue-streak moments, though. Thank you for reading, and sharing your thoughts. I love learning about my readers’ lives.
This was a fun read. I remember my cousin and I using the H E Double toothpicks swear substitute and feeling quite sassy about it to each other, but we’d never dare saying it in front of our grandmother or mothers. I loved reading your thoughts and remembrances. I’m not sure the apologies part is something that only happens in your state. I wonder if it’s generational since I could relate to it so well.
Thank you, Sally! I couldn’t get even the slightest hint of a swear past her. The H-E-double toothpicks genuinely surprised me. I thought it was so clever. I just loved the Avon lady for uttering those cliches.
As for the excessive apologies: I don’t know if it’s regional. There are a few idiosyncratic behaviors/sayings that are unique to Minnesota. One is “duck, duck, gray duck” instead of “duck, duck, goose” in the child”s game. I was in my twenties before I had any idea that the rest of the world said “goose.” The excessive-apology behavior may be more prevalent here than elsewhere. And I’m definitely extreme in that respect. But it’s interesting to learn that the syndrome applies elsewhere.
A great post, Mary. I especially enjoyed the scene with the Avon lady,though it took me a moment to work out H E Double toothpicks, which I'd never come across before. As for apologising, we English take some beating on that score. Sorry to boast.
😂 I’m glad you enjoyed this, Jeffrey! It’s interesting to learn that the Sorry syndrome transcends borders. To apologize to inanimate objects is something I do constantly. Especially with tables. But recognizing that I have a problem is the first step. Not that it helps. Maybe I should start a thread here on Substack based on the AA model.
Count me in! If it's not too much trouble...
🤣
I'm a swearer. I knit and I'm definitely a sweary knitter. I used to be an apologiser, but not so much these days. I am however a smiler - when I bump people or things, when I pass someone on the street, when I go into a shop. It brightens my day, and sometimes I think it brightens others'.
Hi, June! Swearing within a certain context (knitting, or as in my case, fill-in-the-blank) is always appropriate. And I’ve become a smiler myself. It makes a world of difference, in every way I can think of. And I hope you give your sweaters hugs. Sweaters have arms, and can hug you back! (Sorry, it sounds weird. But then, my comfort object is a log). And I know I just apologized for saying something perfectly rational. Hope it made you smile.😊
The log lady! (I also apologize to my plants.) A lovely post worth waiting for.
Thank you, Sue! I’m sitting, at this very moment, in my sunroom, watching my rosemary plant just waiting for me to walk away before it dies and drops all of its leaves. Maybe it should apologize to me.
Ha!
Love this so much..it’s so much me in many ways! It seems you publish every day Mary! And you’re reading and sharing so much for others... no wonder you’ve 400 and growing... our biggest cheerleader and favorite friend! ❤️😊 Laughed at sorry to the tables...😁 I say it out loud! And oh the mom sharing I do as a grandma and teacher... but I keep it to myself. This is just a joy to read, fun! Lucky dimes or pennies from Heaven make my day too! Terrific writing! 🫶❤️😊🎉
Mom shaming ...need an edit option here!
Joan, thank you! You are a wonderful friend. I’m so grateful to have met you here on Substack. Your writing is always an inspiration. And good to know I’m not alone in apologizing to inanimate objects.
The mom-shaming! It didn’t even occur to me that I was being judgmental until I sat down to write this piece. It’s insidious. I was on the receiving end of it for so long, as all moms are. Now I try to give parents all the support and praise I can. Like, if a kid wants to hold a phone and figure out what the magic is, why not? I have to admit to a tiny bit of concern that she may not have Apple Care+, but that’s on me.
I hope your birthday was wonderful. Eighty is amazing. Much love.🎊💕🎉🎈🌹
Thank you...not till April! I was writing how it feels getting closer and closer to it!
Agree about feeling judgmental... but as mothers, grandmothers, a teacher... it’s instinctive to care about kids’ well being I think.
Oh, I missed that! Should have picked up on it, as I’m an April baby myself. But I hope you’re celebrating every single day. You deserve it! ❤️
I was waiting for your newsletter this week. I am so fond of your writings. You are an exceptional writer. Miles to go my friend!
Tha, thank you so much for your kindness. You are one of the people I have in mind when I write.❤️ I look forward to reading your work as well. Always a blessing, and such an inspiration.🌹
Love this Mary!! I just apologized to a plant I tossed outside for growing too big. Brought her inside to the bathroom hoping to see her bloom. If she can forgive me! I'm British. "Sorry" is our second nature 😩😅
Thank you, Deborah! I’m finding out that there are many contenders for the “sorry” crown. I thought that our state had pretty much locked that up. And the plants! I feel your pain. 🥲
It's definitely a "thing!" However I do consider nature my friend.. so apologies are often part of it 🤦♀️
Yes. I agree. Being a plant mom is opening yourself up to heartbreak.💔
Mary,
There's so much here to love. I'll begin with the guilt for enjoying the winter that wasn't. We have survived many brutally cold winters and to revel in the relative warmth seems blasphemous. Especially because our comfort is coming at the expense of the planet. Add to that the swear/sorry discussion and you've got yourself another winner.
My daughter moved to Nashville a few years ago. She encountered another shopper at the grocery store when their carts brushed into each other and my daughter apologized. The woman immediately asked her if she was from Minnesota. They shared a laugh at the dead giveaway.
I do think we apologize far too much for frivolous slights. Your versions of swear words from your childhood are an absolute hoot. The way you artfully bring all of the elements together with the goal of self-compassion is lovely. And the Nirvana reference in the subtitle is sublime. Brava, Mary.
Colleen, thank you. I think the real inspiration for this piece came when I - and I know you will totally understand this - ran the dishwasher, forgot to flip the magnetic sign to "clean" and put a dirty plate in among the clean ones. I apologized to my clean dishes for not removing them and putting them away.
The Nashville story is so funny. It's as if there are little coded signals Minnesotans send out to each other. I remember the Guindon cartoon from decades ago: A guy in a really tacky plaid suit at a political convention, or maybe in Congress. The caption was "I recognize the gentleman from Minnesota . . . anywhere."
I think the swear/sorry connection is something I'd like to explore further. It runs pretty deep with me. And the difficulty of enjoying a day that is such a gift. I'm looking back at my journal from last February. Our boiler went out three mornings in a row, and I think the third day it was 12 below. Crazy weather. We forget these things.
You are such a fine writer, Colleen. I feel deeply honored that you appreciated this. You bring such joy into the world. Speaking of joy, congratulations on the new grand baby. He knows how special you are.
Enjoyed this - funny I thought the “sorry” repeated was purely Canadian !!
& the swearing 🤬 so can relate.
It’s so interesting to me that Canadians are also big apologizers. It must be the shared border or watersheds. Or maybe it has something to do with many of us wanting to flee the country right now. (“I’m sorry, but the birds really are singing ‘Oh, sweet Canada’ Calling me home! Sorry, common loon!”)