10 Comments

I am so sorry for your loss. And while I’m sure this sounds like an out-of-tune radio falling on ears that are tired of “can’t think of what to say” statements, know that I have said this hundreds of times and mean it with everything that I am. But then, I spend the car ride home to process and get to go home to a wife that loves me even when I’m unlovely. Your writing made me want to be better with the time I have left. Thank you

Expand full comment
author

Joshua, thank you for this. “I’m sorry for your loss” is NEVER the wrong thing to say. I appreciate it so much. I’m glad to hear that this piece resonated with you. I do honestly believe that grief opens the heart. If we can take anything from the experience, it’s the desire to live a more authentic life that matters. And I can’t imagine that you are unlovely in any way. Your wife is a fortunate woman.

Expand full comment

I was cheering for you when you found the toggle switch. My husband is a musician and in some way our musical life has always sort of belonged to him. In the same way that I tend to bring home new books for us, he tends to find the music. But when he's away the music kind of goes with him because I've managed to ignore every Spotify Family invitation he sends and the Sonos app on my phones is several generations old. So I understand completely where you found yourself. But I also could feel that little toggle switch under the plinth with the tip of my finger as I read and was so happy for you when you discovered it. Wishing you lots of comfort from the music you love. 💕

Expand full comment
author

Oh, Tara, thank you! The realization that music had been absent from my house since his death was heartbreaking. And yes, he managed the music, I managed the books. It’s one aspect of grief that isn’t widely known or discussed: technology. I remember when we set up the turntable, he couldn’t figure it out, either. Toggle switch? Like, where’s the remote? And as we never turned it off, there was no reason to retain that bit of information. Thank you for your good wishes. It’s nice to have music again.😊❤️

Expand full comment

I was thinking about you on Thanksgiving ❤️❤️❤️

Expand full comment
author

Thanks, Jenna! That’s another story. Coming soon. Maybe.😊❤️

Expand full comment

Just wow! You’ve outdone yourself Mary ... the sensory details, the emotion, the bit of humor hitting just right. Tears in my eyes, recalling those days... what I’ve hung on to. It’s freezing here in the Midwest and I’m wrapped in his old size 1X sweatshirt... raggedy and worn as it was all the years he wore... funny that I tried to tell him throw it out. Sharing yourself like this is so well done... bravo and hugs! ❤️

Expand full comment
author

Joan, I’m glad my essay touched you. It’s so very comforting to know that I’m not alone in this journey. I’m in the Midwest as well. Walked with a friend today. Yikes! I need to find my mittens and get some hand warmers. I gave away my husband’s thermal tops and fleece bottoms, or I’d be wearing them all day and sleeping in them at night. Hugs to you also.❤️

Expand full comment

Mary,

How many things do I love about this? Too many to count. Mostly, it’s the immediacy of the writing and the fact it took place this weekend. Don’t overthink it. Don’t torture yourself over trying for perfection. Give it to the public and let the magic of the universe wash over each reader in its own way. And if you’re looking for a fantastic ending to this posted story, you needn’t. It found you. I’m very pleased the music has returned to your home.

As a comic aside, I connected my Alexa to my new Sonos Move 2 speaker. When it works, it’s magical. When it doesn’t I want to throw it against the wall. We will discuss the rest of your content at a later date. Please keep posting. I so enjoy your work.

Expand full comment
author

Colleen, thank you. You know me too well! I wanted to get this done last night but my head was too scrambled. A little calmer today. And I really want to stay with my promise of two posts a week. So I may just send one out tomorrow or Wednesday.

What is the deal with Sonos and Alexa? They’re like sisters who can’t stop fighting, until they’re best friends for about five minutes. I’m glad I’m not alone in this struggle.

Yes: we have many things to discuss. In the meantime, thank you for your kindness and support in a time that’s difficult for both of us.❤️

Expand full comment