Bethel, Iām honored that this spoke to you. I love this community. It means the world to me when my work connects with someone; it is why I write. Thank you.š
Loreal, you have suffered a great loss. At age 41, a widow (yes, it is a harsh word. I wish our language was more kind) with a son far from home. And guilt over a situation in which you were not in any way responsible. Iām so very sorry that this happened. I know
What a lovely comment, Perry. I feel so grateful for the people in my life who make sure Iām okay and taking care of myself during difficult times. And my little Mini has a big heart. She provides for me and keeps me going. Iām so lucky to have her. And this great Substack community! Iām incredibly lucky. Itās true that there are many kinds of losses, and they canāt be minimized; you have my deepest sympathy. Thank you for being here.
That first year. You got through it. And you're writing. Apparently without interruption. Raw, true, real. The day after the one year anniversary and the day after that, keep remembering and keep writing.
I cannot not love your writing, however, gratitude and I are on the rocks and currently in virtual couples therapy somewhere in my brain.
I've only just skimmed this piece because reading it in detail has proven too painful based on to the subject matter - my being only about 9 months out myself. With just that skimming though, there is such brilliance, beauty, heart, truth, vulnerability...love. And I mentally pin all of the words until some time when I feel a bit stronger. Then, when I read this you'll keep me company, with your bravery and experience - and gratitude. And I feel like somehow - that future me - will also keep you company, as you write this, since, incredibly, I feel like things work that way.
Meanwhile, I hope to say that gratitude will get me through this first year. Since I haven't gotten through it quite yet, I don't know what that will be...?
Lately I've developed a close relationships with some feelings that I'm not so used to indulging - but we can't just pick and choose which emotions to be in denial of, now can we?
Hmmm, sounds like something else to be angry about.
Thank for writing this Mary - and for sharing it with all of us. I look forward to reading it in greater detail soon...ish.
John. you are a lovely writer. I hope you start posting soon! Maybe pick one thingā¦ gratitude, for example. And how itās a ānoā and a āyesā for you - ?
John, I want to first say that I was in tears as I read this. You write beautifully. The emotions are right there, the sorrow so close. My deepest sympathy for your loss.
Grief is so complex. I donāt think you can simplify or reduce it without dishonoring the person who is suffering, or the one who has passed. Itās a great shame that our culture doesnāt have the compassion to make a place for someone who is going through what you and so many others are experiencing. Thereās no template. I read your words, and my heart aches for you.
I didnāt realize, when I began writing this piece, that my thoughts would come to rest on āgratitudeā as a way to navigate these very rough waters. It was only through examining the past year, at the time of this anniversary, that I recognized the truth behind this. Actions that feel small can have a huge effect. I was fortunate enough to have the time - an entire year - to experience the loss. Many of us are not so lucky. Such a simple statement as, āYou can stay in your bathrobe all day, as long as you brush your teethā doesnāt resonate immediately. But when I followed this advice - and it was permission, really - I realized how grateful I was for the people in my life who allowed me to just sit with my feelings until I could sort through them. It wasnāt a recognition from day one that I āshouldā feel grateful to those who were there for me. It was a slow process, and I donāt think it ever ends.
Iām thankful that youāre here, and able to be vulnerable and open. You are the person I had in mind when I wrote this piece. Itās why Iām on Substack: to connect. What youāve written here is speaking not just to me, but to many others. We truly are the ābeloved community.ā
Limpid and undefended. Like looking through the clearest lake to see the bottom. It would be almost unbearably sad if not for the palpable kindness of those who care for you, on four legs or two. Beautifully realized.
Thank you, Rona. Itās been a strange couple of weeks. It wasnāt easy to write with literal immediacy. But I hope people relate to the feeling of living a moment within a moment. All very strange. Maybe things will be different tomorrow. Or better. Both, I hope.ā¤ļø
Hi Mary! Another wonderful post in its authenticity and openness! In this post you have written a couple of lines that really get to the meat of things, for me. And I would like to incorporate them into an epilogue of a chapbook of poetry which I have been working on this year, with credit of course. The lines are āEvents eclipse each other; years collapse like telescopes. You canāt open them fully after a while.ā The chapbookās main theme is how memories are written over as more experiences happen, only so much room in the neocortex. Anyway, if you prefer I donāt, that is ok too ~ I keep searching for a proper way to pull all of the poems I have for it together. Thanks again for sharing.
Iām so glad you appreciated this, BW. I love that you connected with my work. I spend a lot of time crafting sentences, and sometimes they come out of nowhere - or the raw materials do, as Iām sure you understand! A chapbook is an accomplishment. Iāve never been able to assemble one on my own, though Iāve tried. Yours sounds like a remarkable undertaking of love, generosity, and kindness, informed by quite a lot of research. Iām honored that my words spoke to you so much that you wish to share them along with yours. No one has ever asked me to do this before. Iād love it if you could send me some small part of your work in a DM. I look forward to seeing it. šā¤ļø
Lorraine, I replied to your comment last night, and it looks like it didnāt go through. I should not be commenting when thereās a cat on my lap, purring me to sleep.š“ Iām glad that this touched you. Iām honored by your kindness. Mini will get scritches like sheās never had before! Sending love from both of us.š½š„°ā¤ļø
Bethel, Iām honored that this spoke to you. I love this community. It means the world to me when my work connects with someone; it is why I write. Thank you.š
Loreal, you have suffered a great loss. At age 41, a widow (yes, it is a harsh word. I wish our language was more kind) with a son far from home. And guilt over a situation in which you were not in any way responsible. Iām so very sorry that this happened. I know
your friend has been there for you in some difficult times; I hope he continues to do so.
Words to live by. Thank you. My new socks are wonderful.
Thank you for your kind words, Maureen. Itās a true honor.šā¤ļø
What a lovely comment, Perry. I feel so grateful for the people in my life who make sure Iām okay and taking care of myself during difficult times. And my little Mini has a big heart. She provides for me and keeps me going. Iām so lucky to have her. And this great Substack community! Iām incredibly lucky. Itās true that there are many kinds of losses, and they canāt be minimized; you have my deepest sympathy. Thank you for being here.
Beautifully written, Mary. Thank you for your heartfelt reflections x
Thank you, Julie. Iām glad you enjoyed this piece.šā¤ļø
That first year. You got through it. And you're writing. Apparently without interruption. Raw, true, real. The day after the one year anniversary and the day after that, keep remembering and keep writing.
So beautiful.
Thank you, Elizabeth.ā¤ļø
Dear Mary,
I cannot not love your writing, however, gratitude and I are on the rocks and currently in virtual couples therapy somewhere in my brain.
I've only just skimmed this piece because reading it in detail has proven too painful based on to the subject matter - my being only about 9 months out myself. With just that skimming though, there is such brilliance, beauty, heart, truth, vulnerability...love. And I mentally pin all of the words until some time when I feel a bit stronger. Then, when I read this you'll keep me company, with your bravery and experience - and gratitude. And I feel like somehow - that future me - will also keep you company, as you write this, since, incredibly, I feel like things work that way.
Meanwhile, I hope to say that gratitude will get me through this first year. Since I haven't gotten through it quite yet, I don't know what that will be...?
Lately I've developed a close relationships with some feelings that I'm not so used to indulging - but we can't just pick and choose which emotions to be in denial of, now can we?
Hmmm, sounds like something else to be angry about.
Thank for writing this Mary - and for sharing it with all of us. I look forward to reading it in greater detail soon...ish.
(Note to self: Maybe I need to get a fluffy pet?)
John. you are a lovely writer. I hope you start posting soon! Maybe pick one thingā¦ gratitude, for example. And how itās a ānoā and a āyesā for you - ?
John, I want to first say that I was in tears as I read this. You write beautifully. The emotions are right there, the sorrow so close. My deepest sympathy for your loss.
Grief is so complex. I donāt think you can simplify or reduce it without dishonoring the person who is suffering, or the one who has passed. Itās a great shame that our culture doesnāt have the compassion to make a place for someone who is going through what you and so many others are experiencing. Thereās no template. I read your words, and my heart aches for you.
I didnāt realize, when I began writing this piece, that my thoughts would come to rest on āgratitudeā as a way to navigate these very rough waters. It was only through examining the past year, at the time of this anniversary, that I recognized the truth behind this. Actions that feel small can have a huge effect. I was fortunate enough to have the time - an entire year - to experience the loss. Many of us are not so lucky. Such a simple statement as, āYou can stay in your bathrobe all day, as long as you brush your teethā doesnāt resonate immediately. But when I followed this advice - and it was permission, really - I realized how grateful I was for the people in my life who allowed me to just sit with my feelings until I could sort through them. It wasnāt a recognition from day one that I āshouldā feel grateful to those who were there for me. It was a slow process, and I donāt think it ever ends.
Iām thankful that youāre here, and able to be vulnerable and open. You are the person I had in mind when I wrote this piece. Itās why Iām on Substack: to connect. What youāve written here is speaking not just to me, but to many others. We truly are the ābeloved community.ā
Mary, thank you for sharing your full self with us. You are so authentic. I have cried and at times laughed especially concerning Miniās antics.
We are here for you. Hugs and love.
Thank you, Monica. I always try to write from the heart. And Mini is just such an adorable cat. A great companion and friend. Love to you, too. ā¤ļø
I love your stories. Keep writing and we will keep living through your writing.
Hey, Did you brush your teeth?
We need laughter and you .
Thanks, Tinabeth! It does feel good to laugh, and to share. I brushed AND flossed, last night and today. Iām glad you enjoyed this.ā¤ļø
Limpid and undefended. Like looking through the clearest lake to see the bottom. It would be almost unbearably sad if not for the palpable kindness of those who care for you, on four legs or two. Beautifully realized.
Thank you, Rona. Itās been a strange couple of weeks. It wasnāt easy to write with literal immediacy. But I hope people relate to the feeling of living a moment within a moment. All very strange. Maybe things will be different tomorrow. Or better. Both, I hope.ā¤ļø
Hi Mary! Another wonderful post in its authenticity and openness! In this post you have written a couple of lines that really get to the meat of things, for me. And I would like to incorporate them into an epilogue of a chapbook of poetry which I have been working on this year, with credit of course. The lines are āEvents eclipse each other; years collapse like telescopes. You canāt open them fully after a while.ā The chapbookās main theme is how memories are written over as more experiences happen, only so much room in the neocortex. Anyway, if you prefer I donāt, that is ok too ~ I keep searching for a proper way to pull all of the poems I have for it together. Thanks again for sharing.
Iām so glad you appreciated this, BW. I love that you connected with my work. I spend a lot of time crafting sentences, and sometimes they come out of nowhere - or the raw materials do, as Iām sure you understand! A chapbook is an accomplishment. Iāve never been able to assemble one on my own, though Iāve tried. Yours sounds like a remarkable undertaking of love, generosity, and kindness, informed by quite a lot of research. Iām honored that my words spoke to you so much that you wish to share them along with yours. No one has ever asked me to do this before. Iād love it if you could send me some small part of your work in a DM. I look forward to seeing it. šā¤ļø
I will connect with you a little later tonight once I get a chance. TY
Touching and practical. I like this a lot. Thank you.
Thank you, Laura. Iām pleased that this touched you.
So exquisite.
Thank you, MJ. You are very kind.
Your writing is anything but cluttered. So heartfelt and pure. This was therapeutic. Thank you
P.S. I love the 14th use of socks. Nailed it.
P.S.S. Please give extra scritches to mini for me.š
Lorraine, I replied to your comment last night, and it looks like it didnāt go through. I should not be commenting when thereās a cat on my lap, purring me to sleep.š“ Iām glad that this touched you. Iām honored by your kindness. Mini will get scritches like sheās never had before! Sending love from both of us.š½š„°ā¤ļø
Hugs and love to you both Mary and Mini! š„°š»