49 years and counting! Susan, that’s wonderful. Yes, not always great, I certainly know about that. But to stay together for that length of time is a blessing. Thank you for sharing your story.🙏
Exquisitely wrought, rich in seemingly small details that evoke a world and hold the stone of feeling like prongs (Mavis in gourmet, the sweat on your wedding dress, your fear of the Pinto). Welcome back, Mary. This essay was worth the wait.
Carol, you are so very kind. I’m glad this spoke to you. So much happened back then. I look back and see a lifetime crammed with long stretches which very little happened, followed by a month or two in which everything did. I’m glad this resonated with you.🙏❤️
Mary, your lovely heartfelt and heartbreaking stories never cease to bring a rush of grief and love to my chest. Is there a word for that feeling? Good morning, what a joy you are on Substack. Wow.
Oh, Maureen. Such a lovely thing to say. “Grief and love” are deeply intertwined, I’m learning. I don’t think you can separate them. Your words honor me deeply. I hope you have a wonderful day.😊🫶
I loved this story! Well, I love all your stories, but this one really touched my heart. Getting married for the first time at 40, we had more money, but at first I wasn't interested in an engagement ring. Like you, I didn't think I deserved such extravagance.
When we went shopping for our wedding rings, we also looked at a few engagement rings, and there was one I loved. It's in my mother's old jewelry box with Steven's ring and my band. I'm not sure what to do with it now.
This is a great article about the history behind the "A diamond is forever" slogan, which was coined by a woman copywriter.
Amy, thank you. I love your perspective, and I’m glad you found the right ring, just as you found the right man. It’s interesting that we have the same problem with family rings we love but don’t know what to do with. My husband gave me some jewelry over the years, including a 40th anniversary ruby. But what to do with them? (I couldn’t resist posting the “family jewels.” Shameless, I know. But a visual pun is as good as a verbal one, in my opinion.)
Thank you for the link to the article. I’ll have to read it. I’m aware that the slogan was written by a woman copywriter for the diamond industry, but not much more.
I find it touching that three generations of women in my family wore their rings at all times. It was part of the tradition. Thank you so much for sharing your story. Hugs to you.❤️🙏🥰
There are so many perfect, telling details in this piece, but this one in particular really made me smile: "'I mean, two months’ salary for some signifier?' She was studying Barthes." You just took me back in time. Your writing always proves that the more specific and individual the details, the more universal the piece is.
Thank you, Rita! I appreciate your comments. I always try to work towards the specific in my writing. That’s where you find the universal. To me that’s rule number one in any kind of writing. We respond to the small things and find meaning in them. We don’t find power in abstraction. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.🙏
Love this so much, Mary…took me back to the day we went from jeweler to jeweler…I’ve never been a jewelry person..so the, shapes and sizes of diamonds overwhelmed me. Silver settings were all the rage in early 60s, not gold…but I was most comfortable with small and petite on my little hands. Years later I’d feel embarrassed mine was always smaller than friends’ more glamorous with fancy settings and very big diamonds. But…insure I knew it was me. Never took it off. Until a few years ago when arthritis began to swell my knuckles. It was tight and I had to work at getting it off with soap. I still wear my wedding band… has our names and date engraved. That is enough. Your details of love and connection are so touching, beautifully written as always. ❤️💕Hugs!
Joan, thank you! So interesting that silver was the choice in the 60s. I would have thought maybe white gold. But there must a proceed to keep it from tarnishing. Also fascinating that you didn’t take yours off until you were forced to. I have also felt that little bit of envy, but it’s baked into us by our culture. Thanks for sharing this, Joan! Hugs to you too!💕🥰
You’re right…white gold! Silver is my Grma’s old silverware! 😅🙄Silver color guess I was thinking. Childbirth and a few hospital stays, they wanted it removed, but I said no. Think they taped it. Thanks for setting me straight! 😘
Joan, at one point in my life I worked in a high-end gift shop that sold expensive jewelry. So I knew that gold came in many shades. And I polished a lot of silver! So, no reason you should know that stuff.😊🫶
Now neither do I have a boyfriend, nor even a crush at the moment, but I could feel all of it in volumes despite of not being with anyone. You're gifted, Mary. That's what you are🌸
"A diamond is forever was a marketing slogan. We were not." I felt the first prong wiggle with your observations about "different" as a euphemism for deviant from white middle-class social normas. The second prong in your mother's complaint about the heat on your wedding day. Setting up the wiggle room for the stone to come loose. Your essay is so well crafted. A joy to read.
Jill, thank you. Yes, that word, “different.” I don’t think anyone who hasn’t grown up in a particular cultural setting can understand the full force of it. And the shaming over the hot weather. That came from a neighbor, my mom’s “friend.” There were so many drafts, I don’t know if that was clear. That was another level of cruelty, and I had to dial her way back, because she wasn’t the point. I chose that church because it was the family church, the place I was baptized, and I associate it strongly with my father. (Another story, but backstory.)
What a compliment about the wiggle of the prongs as an example of craft. It wasn’t intentional, but I’ll take it!
I really appreciate your take not only as a fellow writer, but as a social historian of our state and someone who grew up one suburb away from me. You truly understand the hidden, the dark, the coded side of things. And I bet you know the importance of the zipper merge.😊
I can speak in Minnesota Nice. "It's perfectly acceptable to complain about the weather, even in summer. It's not so nice to complain about your mother. Even if it was your mother who complained first. That was a long time ago. Cantcha take a joke?" Also conversant in weaponized humor when shame isn't enough. You betcha.
Oh, thank you, Tresha! When my husband brought that to my attention, I was struck by the layers of meaning that I became aware of. When a reader picks up on such a detail, I feel like I’ve done my job as a writer.🙏💕
The stone as metaphor for what was had and what was lost, beautifully written— and reveals the way we know that almost every love story is a grief story..
Pamela, it’s fascinating to see how strong the level of vitriol can be when you make a choice that doesn’t fit the social paradigm. I absolutely did not see it coming. Thank you for sharing your experience.
So true. That experience encouraged me to buck other social trends, and I have always been astonished (and amused) by the response! At the very least, it gives me fodder for writing :)
I was much more sensitive when I was younger. It drove me to the opposite extreme of trying too hard to be someone I perceived as not simply “normal,” but the best cook, seamstress, volunteer, wife, mother, gardener, and domestic goddess, while surreptitiously trying to keep my brain alive. I fell hard under the pressure to conform. No more. Now I mostly write. Life is good.😊
There seems to be a chain linked from my heart to my tear ducts when I read your posts Mary, and it tightens as I read. This is so full of life and love, thank you for sharing x
Love to you too Mary. I am equal parts tears & laughter, theres healing in both I think, Hope you are sleeping well these days or at least blitzing some really good late night TV. I've just finished The Bear, it's only left me wanting more..
Although I only r ead the first half of your story, the opening hooked me and I intend to read the rest. I did get my wife an engagment ring that my imagination had created and that I found in a store, but the rings that really matter to us are the gold bands on our left hand and the rings we bought on our fourtieth anniversary. We bought them in an Irish Jewelry store in Riverdale in the Bronx. I bought my wife an inscribed clatter ring and she bought me a warrior's band also with an inscription. Those inscriptions are a reflection of our enduing love as we get ready to celebrate our 50th anniversary.
Fiftieth! Congratulations! 🎈🎉 I agree with you, completely. The claddagh is so meaningful. I’m not familiar with the warrior ring, but I will look it up. I bought my husband a ring with “You and no other” engraved in Old French (I wrote about it some time ago in an essay called “Do You Want His Rings?”) He gave me a ruby ring for our fortieth anniversary. Rings have meaning, and we shouldn’t have to explain.
49 years and counting! Susan, that’s wonderful. Yes, not always great, I certainly know about that. But to stay together for that length of time is a blessing. Thank you for sharing your story.🙏
Exquisitely wrought, rich in seemingly small details that evoke a world and hold the stone of feeling like prongs (Mavis in gourmet, the sweat on your wedding dress, your fear of the Pinto). Welcome back, Mary. This essay was worth the wait.
Ohh, Rona, thank you! I’m so glad you enjoyed this. I struggled with it a long time. Really pleased to be back.❤️🙏
Brilliantly written. This story resonated with me on so many levels. Thanks for sharing these sweet moments of your life.
Carol, you are so very kind. I’m glad this spoke to you. So much happened back then. I look back and see a lifetime crammed with long stretches which very little happened, followed by a month or two in which everything did. I’m glad this resonated with you.🙏❤️
Very nice
Thank you, Danny!🙏
Mary, your lovely heartfelt and heartbreaking stories never cease to bring a rush of grief and love to my chest. Is there a word for that feeling? Good morning, what a joy you are on Substack. Wow.
Oh, Maureen. Such a lovely thing to say. “Grief and love” are deeply intertwined, I’m learning. I don’t think you can separate them. Your words honor me deeply. I hope you have a wonderful day.😊🫶
I loved this story! Well, I love all your stories, but this one really touched my heart. Getting married for the first time at 40, we had more money, but at first I wasn't interested in an engagement ring. Like you, I didn't think I deserved such extravagance.
When we went shopping for our wedding rings, we also looked at a few engagement rings, and there was one I loved. It's in my mother's old jewelry box with Steven's ring and my band. I'm not sure what to do with it now.
This is a great article about the history behind the "A diamond is forever" slogan, which was coined by a woman copywriter.
https://www.nytimes.com/2013/05/05/fashion/weddings/how-americans-learned-to-love-diamonds.html?unlocked_article_code=1.Ek4.Dk_d.qbSUWxBNaYQn&smid=url-share
Amy, thank you. I love your perspective, and I’m glad you found the right ring, just as you found the right man. It’s interesting that we have the same problem with family rings we love but don’t know what to do with. My husband gave me some jewelry over the years, including a 40th anniversary ruby. But what to do with them? (I couldn’t resist posting the “family jewels.” Shameless, I know. But a visual pun is as good as a verbal one, in my opinion.)
Thank you for the link to the article. I’ll have to read it. I’m aware that the slogan was written by a woman copywriter for the diamond industry, but not much more.
I find it touching that three generations of women in my family wore their rings at all times. It was part of the tradition. Thank you so much for sharing your story. Hugs to you.❤️🙏🥰
Mary, I loved your reference to, and photo of, the family jewels. It stacks up to quite the tower!
🤣🤣🤣
There are so many perfect, telling details in this piece, but this one in particular really made me smile: "'I mean, two months’ salary for some signifier?' She was studying Barthes." You just took me back in time. Your writing always proves that the more specific and individual the details, the more universal the piece is.
Thank you, Rita! I appreciate your comments. I always try to work towards the specific in my writing. That’s where you find the universal. To me that’s rule number one in any kind of writing. We respond to the small things and find meaning in them. We don’t find power in abstraction. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.🙏
Thx for this precious jewel
Love this so much, Mary…took me back to the day we went from jeweler to jeweler…I’ve never been a jewelry person..so the, shapes and sizes of diamonds overwhelmed me. Silver settings were all the rage in early 60s, not gold…but I was most comfortable with small and petite on my little hands. Years later I’d feel embarrassed mine was always smaller than friends’ more glamorous with fancy settings and very big diamonds. But…insure I knew it was me. Never took it off. Until a few years ago when arthritis began to swell my knuckles. It was tight and I had to work at getting it off with soap. I still wear my wedding band… has our names and date engraved. That is enough. Your details of love and connection are so touching, beautifully written as always. ❤️💕Hugs!
Joan, thank you! So interesting that silver was the choice in the 60s. I would have thought maybe white gold. But there must a proceed to keep it from tarnishing. Also fascinating that you didn’t take yours off until you were forced to. I have also felt that little bit of envy, but it’s baked into us by our culture. Thanks for sharing this, Joan! Hugs to you too!💕🥰
You’re right…white gold! Silver is my Grma’s old silverware! 😅🙄Silver color guess I was thinking. Childbirth and a few hospital stays, they wanted it removed, but I said no. Think they taped it. Thanks for setting me straight! 😘
Joan, at one point in my life I worked in a high-end gift shop that sold expensive jewelry. So I knew that gold came in many shades. And I polished a lot of silver! So, no reason you should know that stuff.😊🫶
Now neither do I have a boyfriend, nor even a crush at the moment, but I could feel all of it in volumes despite of not being with anyone. You're gifted, Mary. That's what you are🌸
Divya, you are so kind. Thank you. I am humbled.🙏
"A diamond is forever was a marketing slogan. We were not." I felt the first prong wiggle with your observations about "different" as a euphemism for deviant from white middle-class social normas. The second prong in your mother's complaint about the heat on your wedding day. Setting up the wiggle room for the stone to come loose. Your essay is so well crafted. A joy to read.
Jill, thank you. Yes, that word, “different.” I don’t think anyone who hasn’t grown up in a particular cultural setting can understand the full force of it. And the shaming over the hot weather. That came from a neighbor, my mom’s “friend.” There were so many drafts, I don’t know if that was clear. That was another level of cruelty, and I had to dial her way back, because she wasn’t the point. I chose that church because it was the family church, the place I was baptized, and I associate it strongly with my father. (Another story, but backstory.)
What a compliment about the wiggle of the prongs as an example of craft. It wasn’t intentional, but I’ll take it!
I really appreciate your take not only as a fellow writer, but as a social historian of our state and someone who grew up one suburb away from me. You truly understand the hidden, the dark, the coded side of things. And I bet you know the importance of the zipper merge.😊
I can speak in Minnesota Nice. "It's perfectly acceptable to complain about the weather, even in summer. It's not so nice to complain about your mother. Even if it was your mother who complained first. That was a long time ago. Cantcha take a joke?" Also conversant in weaponized humor when shame isn't enough. You betcha.
You betcha. “Weaponized.” Fer sure.
Beautiful! I really appreciate the small details. They are what make a story. I caught myself pressing my thumb against my ring while I read it.
Oh, thank you, Tresha! When my husband brought that to my attention, I was struck by the layers of meaning that I became aware of. When a reader picks up on such a detail, I feel like I’ve done my job as a writer.🙏💕
The stone as metaphor for what was had and what was lost, beautifully written— and reveals the way we know that almost every love story is a grief story..
Thank you, Mary. I see that in your gorgeous work. How you choose your words with such care and precision. You are a true inspiration.🙏🫶
And I see it in yours. Love fest.
Love fest. Yes. Mary, I’m absolutely in love with you and your work.🫶❤️
Beautiful, Mary. (I opted for no ring for a number of reasons, and wasn't prepared for the "that's different" reactions of the multitudes.)
Pamela, it’s fascinating to see how strong the level of vitriol can be when you make a choice that doesn’t fit the social paradigm. I absolutely did not see it coming. Thank you for sharing your experience.
So true. That experience encouraged me to buck other social trends, and I have always been astonished (and amused) by the response! At the very least, it gives me fodder for writing :)
I was much more sensitive when I was younger. It drove me to the opposite extreme of trying too hard to be someone I perceived as not simply “normal,” but the best cook, seamstress, volunteer, wife, mother, gardener, and domestic goddess, while surreptitiously trying to keep my brain alive. I fell hard under the pressure to conform. No more. Now I mostly write. Life is good.😊
Same :)
There seems to be a chain linked from my heart to my tear ducts when I read your posts Mary, and it tightens as I read. This is so full of life and love, thank you for sharing x
Treasa, much love to you. You are so kind.🙏🫶❤️
Love to you too Mary. I am equal parts tears & laughter, theres healing in both I think, Hope you are sleeping well these days or at least blitzing some really good late night TV. I've just finished The Bear, it's only left me wanting more..
Although I only r ead the first half of your story, the opening hooked me and I intend to read the rest. I did get my wife an engagment ring that my imagination had created and that I found in a store, but the rings that really matter to us are the gold bands on our left hand and the rings we bought on our fourtieth anniversary. We bought them in an Irish Jewelry store in Riverdale in the Bronx. I bought my wife an inscribed clatter ring and she bought me a warrior's band also with an inscription. Those inscriptions are a reflection of our enduing love as we get ready to celebrate our 50th anniversary.
Fiftieth! Congratulations! 🎈🎉 I agree with you, completely. The claddagh is so meaningful. I’m not familiar with the warrior ring, but I will look it up. I bought my husband a ring with “You and no other” engraved in Old French (I wrote about it some time ago in an essay called “Do You Want His Rings?”) He gave me a ruby ring for our fortieth anniversary. Rings have meaning, and we shouldn’t have to explain.
Wonderful read! Exquisite writing! Thoroughly enjoyed every single sentence.
Manuel’s, thank you. I’m deeply honored.🙏
Manuela. Sorry. Autocorrect.😖